How I Motivate To Clean My Closet (A List!)

It’s springtime, which means it’s time for some epic spring cleaning.  Every single room in my house could use an overhaul, but that’s overwhelming enough to propel me to pour a glass of wine instead of a mug of coffee at breakfast, therefore I’m compartmentalizing.  One room, one drawer, one cabinet, one train table (still no trains)…

…at a time.

I really need to clean out my closet, as Dylan would say, “for real life.”  There’s a lot going on in there (imagine a corresponding sweeping hand gesture with a dash of sass).  The thing is, though, it isn’t an easy project to take on.

It requires some soul searching.  Do I need to keep the black J. Crew pantsuit I purchased back when Bill Clinton was President and before my hips permanently expanded as a result of growing actual human beings in my pelvic region?  We all know full well that if an appropriate occasion came along, I’d hit the mall faster than you can say Shopaholic Mama.

And reality checking.  These jeans are too tight.  I used to fit into these jeans.  They must’ve shrunk in the wash.  They just don’t make good quality clothing the way they used to!  Bugger.

Here’s a short list of how I (attempt to) motivate to clean out my closet:

1. Anxiety.  I’m still waiting on the results of my thyroid biopsy.  On top of that, today is the start of the fourth (long) full (long) day of spring break with my boys.  This type of scenario generally instigates cleaning/organizing with little to no effort.  In order to avoid the big, scary project (the closet), I started with something smaller – the spice cabinet in the kitchen.  There were spices in there that expired before I was married.

Next, I tackled the top of the refrigerator.  Well, I didn’t actually clean it, but I did survey the situation and snap this picture:

So that’s where I hid Elefun (a game that made my “Toys I Loathe” list)!  I suppose now that I’ve documented (exposed?) the chaos on the side of the refrigerator, I ought to do something about that, too.  Eh, maybe another day.

Then, I took out the trash and folded and put away some laundry.  The laundry bit was definitely procrastination because “folding and putting away” hardly ever happens.  I still haven’t started on the closet, but I will. At some point.  Eventually.

Here are some additional motivators to propel me into closet cleaning action.

2. Something is missing. Recently, I lost a pair of flip-flops.  My favorite pair!  Wait, maybe they were my only pair.  In any case, they were the ones that went with everything, or perhaps not, but I wore them every day anyway.  I looked and looked and looked, but couldn’t find them.  I blamed everyone who crossed my path, including the dog and especially my children.  I could’ve sworn I saw Dylan wearing them in the garage one afternoon, so I had a stern talk with both kids (so as not to favor one over the other) about respecting Mommy’s stuff, and then I held an inappropriate grudge for days.  I gave everyone in the house the evil eye while I fixated on the missing flip-flops.  Then, I found them.  In my closet.  (Apparently, this is where shoes belong.)  They were under a pile of poorly made jeans that must’ve shrunk in the wash.

3. I run out of hangers.  You would think a Shopaholic Mama such as myself would be thrilled to buy new hangers.  Target or, better yet, The Container Store, here I come!  The irony, though, is that as much as I love to buy stuff, I also get anxious when I have too much of it.  Thus, when the hangers run out, the game is over.  It’s time to downsize (or buy a bigger house with a bigger closet).

Editor’s note:  It’s futile to try to understand my logic.  I’m a normal and rational human being, but I’m also totally and completely insane.

4. Someone asks me if I’m pregnant.  And I’m not.  Ding ding ding!  Time to clean out the closet!  Nope, I’m not pregnant.  That’s just my belly, a—hole!  But thanks so much for asking!  My former pediatrician did this to me once.  (The key word here is “former.”)  Apparently, I didn’t lose the baby weight after Riley was born fast enough for his taste.  I was wearing a light grey, cotton, empire waist dress at the time of the incident.  It was one of my favorites, especially during the sweltering South Florida summer.

The bad news, besides the fact that I instantly despised our pediatrician, was that I had the same dress in black hanging in my closet at home.  Later that day, both of them went straight into the giveaway pile, which was (and still is) taking up a sizable amount of space in my disaster of a closet.  The good news was that I gained a couple of hangers.

Okay closet, here I come…  Yup… Soon… I can feel the motivation coming… Any day now…  Any minute…

How do you motivate to clean out your closet?