From Maniacal To (A Little Bit) Magical

Dear Mamas who have bravely traversed the rough waters of Disney World with:

• perpetually breastfeeding/bottle sucking babies
• babies in (perpetually poopy) diapers
• toddlers in (perpetually poopy) diapers
• strollers that have to be folded up every time you get on a monorail or parking lot tram
• toddlers who want to walk everywhere but nowhere fast
• toddlers who won’t hold your hand
• toddlers who skip naps (the worst!)
• kids who want to be held as soon as you arrive
• kids who are afraid of characters
• kids who won’t sit in the stroller when you have one and want to sit in a stroller when you don’t have one
• kids to whom explaining the Fast Pass system is like explaining quantum physics
• kids who want a plush Mickey Mouse doll that’s three times their size and costs over $100 at nine o’clock in the morning
• kids who won’t eat anything but popcorn
• kids who are afraid of fireworks
• kids who are either tall enough to ride rides and won’t or not tall enough to ride rides and cry because they can’t
• kids who want to ride the People Mover (yawn) over and over again because of their fascination with the escalator without steps
• excessive heat or rain
• your period (ugh)
• kids who want to go on Splash Mountain until the log leaves the station and then scream bloody murder and have to be held down to keep from jumping ship log for the entire ride (Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Daa!)
• kids who refuse to sit on horses even remotely near one another on the Prince Charming Regal Carousel
• kids who are emotionally scarred by “It’s Tough To Be A Bug!”
• kids who think the World Showcase in Epcot is the most boring thing ever (but once you get a margarita in Mexico you don’t care)
• kids whose legs are tired and will only “walk” to the car in the parking lot (because the tram just isn’t coming) if you hold them and let them tell you endless (and horrific) knock-knock jokes,

It gets better.

Except for the Carousel of Progress in Tomorrowland. That definitely gets worse. What I’m trying to say is that the most maniacal place on earth will eventually…in the long run…one day…in due course…become a little bit magical.

Sincerely,