My Brain Told Me To Do It

Kids ask a lot of questions, and they come in all shapes and sizes.

For instance, some questions are easy to answer:

Can I have a snack? Yes.  (But not now.  It’s almost dinnertime.)

Can we get a hamster?  (Hell) No.  (Over my dead body.)

On the opposite end of the spectrum, some questions feel impossible to answer:

Are there bad people on Earth?

How are babies made? 

Can babies die?

Then there are questions that don’t deserve answers:

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Next are questions that are impossible to answer.  In other words, questions that remind us we are most definitely NOT smarter than a fifth grader:

How many people live on Earth?

When did the dinosaurs die?

Where does lightning come from?

How do clouds hold rain?

What’s the first thing that ever existed?  (Seriously.)

How do we walk?

These are questions that I probably (maybe?) once knew the answers to.  Like when I was ten.  Now, I’m lucky if I know what day of the week it is or when my last period was.  (The doctor asks every damn time!)  The “How do we walk?” question happened recently, courtesy of Dylan.  I probably should’ve said, “Just because” (or “I have no flipping idea”), but instead I said, “We put one foot in front of the other,” which, of course, prompted follow-up questions, which sometimes result in questions that don’t deserve answers (see above).

“How do our feet know what to do?”

“Our brain tells our feet to walk.”

“Our brain talks to our feet?”

Dear God.  I think so.  I mean, I’m not a neurologist or anything.  “Yes, and it happens super fast.   Our brain tells our body to do everything.  To walk, sleep, breathe, eat, and anything else you can think of.  Right now my brain is telling my vocal chords to talk and my mouth to move.”

“Your brain talks to your body parts?”

I sure hope so since I just told you as much.   “Yes.”

Whether or not my response was even remotely accurate was a moot point because it inspired a whole new way of thinking in our house.  An intellectual revolution, if you will.   Case in point:

Me: Why did you hit your brother?

Kid: My brain told me to do it.

Me: Why did you pee on the floor?

Kid: My brain told me to do it.

Me: Why is the bathroom floor flooded?

Kid: My brain told me to do it.

Me: Why is the entire living room floor covered in newspapers?

Kid: My brain told me to do it.

Me: Why is there a banana peel on the couch?

Kid: My brain told me to do it.

Me: Why are you filling water balloons in the house?

Kid: My brain told me to do it.

Me: Why aren’t you wearing pants?  Or underwear?

Kid: My brain told me to do it.

Apparently kids also ask questions that have obvious answers, like this one:

Kid: Mommy, why are you sitting on the floor in the closet with your hands over your face with the lights off all by yourself?

Me: My brain told me to do it.