What It Means To Be Married For 12 Years (Or, Baker’s Dozen)

Today is my 12^th wedding anniversary. On one hand, 12 years feels like a long time. Since getting married, we’ve lived in four cities, moved in and out of five different apartments, townhouses, and homes, and had two kids, two dogs, one cat, I have no idea how many fish, and just as many jobs. On the other hand, 12 years feels like a blip. Our kids are young, I still don’t have a headboard, and both of our parents have 40 plus years under their belts, so we’re really just getting started, right?

Whatever the case, a dozen years of marriage feels like a milestone worth some self-reflection.

Being married for 12 years is…

1. Realizing that although the intersection of marriage and parenthood is difficult, we’re fortunate to have the burden.

2. Accepting that eating Chinese food delivery while catching up on “Major Crimes” on the DVR (and being interrupted by the kids who are supposed to be in bed) qualifies as date night (occasionally).

3. Acknowledging that our flaws of 12 years ago are our flaws of today, and letting it (them) go.

4. Admitting that the roles we play may not be what we expected, but they work.

5. Recognizing that we can’t have it all at the same time, and taking turns supporting each other’s goals.

6. Loving and losing a pet.

7. Taking care of our parents.

8. Laughing because love is hard, life is short, and kids are funny.

9. Being thankful for FaceTime when business travel puts an ocean between us (even though the camera angle is hideous and forces me to stare at the wrinkles between my eyes).

10. Digging deep (deeper on some days than others) to remember our intention in the first place.

11. Knowing that stuff is something, but happiness is everything.

12. Feeling grateful that despite some minor changes, including the aforementioned eye wrinkles, a few (a lot of) gray hairs, a bulging disc, and reading glasses, we still look more or less like we did 12 years ago.

13. Looking forward – with hope and gratitude – to our baker’s dozen.