Category Archives: parenting

January 4, 2013 · 8:33 am

Hula (not Hulu)

At our New Year’s Eve block party – amidst a moonlit game of hide and seek, an unlimited supply of colorful glow sticks, gorgeous fireworks, marshmallows, and an “it’s dark, way past our bedtime, and no one seems to care as long we don’t run into the street” atmosphere – Dylan asked for his Kindle Fire.  Begged, actually.

This story (confession?) is both a glowing endorsement of the impressive HD Amazon tablet and a warning sign that my kids are overexposed to technology.

I remember being at a neighbor’s luau-themed 40th birthday party when I was a kid.  I was probably about Dylan’s age at the time, and my parents (and most of the adults there) were about my age now…maybe even a few years younger.

Editor’s note: Does this happen to you? You recall a childhood memory and then realize you’re now the same age as or – gulp – older than your parents were in the memory. When this happens – and the frequency is increasing – I feel a tightness in my chest and a desire to fill an online shopping cart at piperlime.com.

Anyhow, the luau was awesome.  We got to wear grass skirts and leis.  We swam, ate junk food, ran around barefoot, and stayed up way past our bedtimes.  Our parents were tipsy (sloshed?), and there was even a Hula dance contest.  If I recall correctly, my neighbor’s daughter and I won.  Our prize was that we could pick one night and stay up as late as we wanted.  As late as we wanted?!  It was like winning the lottery even though everyone knew we’d never make it past 10pm.

Whether or not my recollection of this night is accurate (we all know my memory stinks), there’s no doubt that it was a magical night and a memory – no matter how fuzzy – that has stayed with me all these years.  And since it was approximately 1982, there were no Kindle Fires – and no “Transformer Rescue Bots” on Netflix, no “Where’s My Water” and “Cut the Rope” apps, and no Dark Knight movies on Flickster – to beg for at a neighborhood party under a starlit sky.

I’m not one of those anti-technology parents.  Clearly.  I mean, my boys don’t have cell phones or Facebook accounts (though that time will come soon enough), but they watch television.  They watch movies.  They play video games on the Xbox.  They play games on the computer.  I have apps on my iPhone and iPad for them.  (Did I tell you I got an iPad for Hanukkah?  I did!)  They each have Kindle Fires, and they play with them at bedtime on some nights.  Okay, every night.  But, don’t get judgy.  We read books, too.  And never say never.   Eventually, it’ll get you in trouble.

I don’t want to keep my kids away from technology (or hide it from them), but that doesn’t mean I know how to properly navigate the “on demand” world in which we live.  No matter how much I enjoy having technology at my fingertips (and I do), I also grew up in a world in which it wasn’t.  Dylan and Riley, on the other hand, will never know a Google-less, YouTube-less world.  Their ease with technology will help them in life, but that doesn’t mean I want them to bury their faces in a tablet when they could be watching fireworks, playing hide and seek in the dark, or doing the Hula (not Hulu).

I realize this is a familiar generational conversation, but the mobility and speed of information, news, and entertainment nowadays is hardly an analogy to “I remember the when the remote control was attached to the TV by a cord!”  (I do remember that, by the way.)

For the record, I said “no” to Dylan’s repeated request for his Kindle Fire at the block party.  A bit later in the evening, Mike gave in and allowed him to hold it but not turn it on, which just might be an even more troubling sign of addiction, but, alas, my iPhone was in my back pocket the whole night, too.  I didn’t use it except to snap this New Year’s Eve 2012 picture…

D&R2012

…but I did hold it close.  All night.

I have no grand epiphany to share here except that there should be balance.  For every minute spent glued to a screen, there should be equal amounts of imaginative, make believe, dirty, sweaty, sticky, smelly, cardiovascular, Hula dancing, giggling, scrapes-on-the-knees kind of play.  As I type these last few sentences, I can hear all kinds of spirited “play” noises coming from Dylan’s bedroom where he’s playing with a bucket of superhero toys.  Riley, on the other hand, woke up earlier in the morning crying from a bad dream about not being able to watch “Transformer Rescue Bots” on his Kindle.  Worry not.   He’s watching it now.

What are your technology opinions, aspiration, and rules?  I know age plays a big role here, so if you comment, state the ages of your kids. 

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Filed under New Years, parenting, technology

December 9, 2012 · 1:40 pm

‘Tis The Season

Every year around this time, I stress about celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas.  (You can read last year’s post on this topic here.)  I’m Jewish and it’s important to me that my boys – no matter how they choose to incorporate (or not incorporate) religion in their lives – have a strong and proud Jewish identity.  It’s also important to me that they appreciate our family’s diverse heritage, are tolerant and respectful of other people’s religious beliefs, and celebrate what makes people unique.  Hence, the stress.

On Friday night at bedtime, Dylan revealed to us that someone in his class at school called him a Jewish nerd.  More specifically, this child told Dylan that she liked it when he messed up his hair like a “dude” because then he wasn’t a “Jewish nerd” anymore.  Dylan laughed when he told us this story because he thought it was funny.  He didn’t understand that what the girl said was offensive.  He didn’t understand that it was insulting.  That it was anti-Semitic.   Mike and I were horrified, and when Dylan finally absorbed our reaction, he began to cry.

In this sudden and incredibly important moment of parenting, we chose to (delicately) end the conversation.  Neither one of us was prepared to talk to him in an age-appropriate and sensitive way about religion, prejudice, or anti-Semitism without some serious thought and preparation.  We were also angry that someone’s ignorance was thrust upon our child and disappointed because, at such a young age, we can only assume the words she said were learned at home.

Rewind a few hours.  We were in the driveway doing sidewalk chalk and playing basketball when our neighbor across the street walked over and invited us to join her and her friends to celebrate the holiday of the Virgin Mary.

Editor’s note:  I now know the formal holiday name is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.  According to about.com, the holiday “…celebrates the saving work of God in preserving the Blessed Virgin Mary from the stain of original sin.” Catholic readers, please feel free to elaborate or clarify! 

Religious details aside, she invited us to help light candles in her front yard and to drink wine and eat pizza and cookies.  Invitation accepted!   With no advanced notice, we couldn’t contribute anything to the gathering, but Riley quickly packed up a bag filled with menorah candles and dreidels to share with everyone.  (Priceless.)

We had a wonderful time.  Dylan and Riley played musical chairs with friends, Mike and I caught up with our neighbors and met new and interesting people, and we even bumped into a girl (not the abovementioned one) from Dylan’s class at school.  Small world!

We lit dozens of candles and listened to our neighbor explain the holiday and what it meant to her having grown up in Columbia and losing her mother at a young age.  She told us she loved the holidays until her mother’s death, but after becoming a mother herself, she realized she needed to give her daughter the same wonderful holiday memories she once had.  Sitting under the starlit sky surrounded by the warm glow of candles and the sounds of our children playing, I think we all had the sense that we were doing just that.  It was an absolutely beautiful experience and a reminder that celebrating our differences is what brings us together.

Back to Dylan.

As my kids get older and begin to have more independence and experiences outside of our cozy, safe cocoon, I’m quickly learning that I’m helpless to control the world around them.  I can’t stop racism or anti-Semitism from happening any more than I can prevent natural disasters, mean kids, or pedophilia, but I can empower my kids to love themselves and accept people for who they are.  I can teach my kids to be the change they want to see in the world.

At bedtime tonight (previous bedtime conversations indicate that this is a good window for giving and receiving information), we will tell Dylan that we love him.  We will tell him that being Jewish is as awesome as being Christian or Catholic or Buddhist or Atheist or big or small or tall or short.  We will tell him that he should always love and be proud of himself.  We will tell him that being open and accepting of everyone is “cool,” and that sometimes that means you get to light candles and eat pizza and cookies outside.

On this second night of Hanukkah, we’re smoking a brisket, hanging Christmas lights, and exchanging Hanukkah gifts with our family.  This year, I’m NOT stressing about religion.  Instead, I’m thinking about how fortunate I am to be a loving, open-minded, and tolerant person and to have the opportunity to pass on these values to my kids.

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Filed under Christmas, Hanukkah, parenting, religion