Category Archives: toys

January 9, 2013 · 1:16 pm

Word Problems XI (The Christmas Edition)

Q: The (overpriced, plastic piece of junk) Star Wars Droid Carrier that Dylan begged for Santa to bring him comes with a whopping twenty Battle Droids, each one with a head that decapitates approximately every 30-45 seconds. The beheading epidemic is so bad that even Dylan is intrigued.  He keeps saying, “Mommy, isn’t it cool that I lose droid heads and then find them.”  Cool isn’t the word I’d use.

droids

I see a Droid amber alert in our future.  Speaking of which, the toy came with a spanking new Obi-Wan Kenobi.  The original Jedi is still on an awesome adventure (i.e missing in the hedge in our front yard), but “new” Obi-Wan is making himself at home.  As I write this, I’m realizing there isn’t any math here, but the look on Dylan’s face when he ripped open the wrapping paper on Christmas morning and realized Santa brought him exactly what he wanted was….

A: …priceless (I know…still no math).

Q: How many drum sets is one too many drum sets?

A: One.  (At least it’s electric and has a volume button.)

drummer boy

Drummer boy.

Editor’s note: I’ve offered to sign Dylan up for drum lessons, but he insists that he already knows how to play the drums.  And the guitar.  And the piano.  And read and write music.  Watch out Tiger Mom. 

Q: How many boxes does it take to eat a garage?

A: This many.

garage2

The real Christmas miracle is bulk trash day.

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November 11, 2012 · 8:26 am

Amber Alert

Obi-Wan Kanobi was last seen on Thursday afternoon near the shrubs (which really need to be trimmed) in front of our house.  He’s about three inches tall, plastic, and was wearing a long brown or white robe (there’s been some disagreement) and holding an unconcealed light saber.  While this weapon is considered dangerous, Obi Wan is not considered “armed and dangerous” because he’s a Jedi and Jedis are almost always good guys.  Except for Anakin Skywalker who eventually goes postal and becomes Darth Vader.

Speaking of Anakin, Obi-Wan was fighting the good fight with him at the time of his disappearance.  While Anakin is considered a person of interest in this case, he is not – I repeat not – considered a suspect because, according to Dylan, it’s Anakin from Episode II.  Unfortunately, Anakin, who is a key witness in the case, has been sedated since the disappearance due to the trauma and has, thus far, been unable to answer any questions that might help the investigation.

Luckily, Riley also witnessed the disappearance and had many really (not) useful theories as to what happened, including:

“He’s over here.”  (He’s not.)

“He’s over here.”  (He’s not.)

“Obi-Wan was buried with a treasure.”

“I saw him over there.” (Nope.)

“Obi-Wan was blown away with the wind.”

The initial search was quick because tennis started in twenty minutes.  It involved a lot of crying from Dylan, animal cracker eating from Riley, and backbreaking searching on hands and knees in the bushes by me.  We agreed to search again when Daddy got home from work so we wouldn’t be late for tennis.  Regrettably, Daddy’s search by flashlight later in the evening yielded no clues or evidence.

My friends, it’s as if Obi-Wan disappeared into thin air!

The first 24 – 48 hours are critical in this kind of missing persons case, and it’s with a heavy heart that I tell you Obi-Wan is still missing.  All things considered, Dylan is handling the situation with grace and a maturity that, quite frankly, has shocked me.  (Seriously.)  We will continue our search for as long as it takes to make sure Obi-Wan is returned safe and unharmed to his family.  Until then, we’d like to think he’s off on one really awesome adventure.

If you have any information that could help solve the mysterious disappearance of our dearest Obi-Wan Kanobi, you are urged to contact Jedi Crime Stoppers.

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