November 14, 2012 · 3:18 pm

The Yard Sale (Part 2)

Last Saturday morning, I hosted my first ever yard sale and this is what I know for sure:  Yard sales rock and yard sales suck.

This is why it rocked:

1. I actually got Dylan and Riley to part with some old toys and to understand the concept of giving.  Previously, toy purging required stealth action while the kids were at school or asleep.

2. We made some much-needed room in the house for the triple threat that is otherwise known as Dylan’s birthday/Hanukkah/Christmas.

3. I got to do some shopping.

Yard sale supplies!

Shopaholic Mama on the loose!

4. The boys loved it.

‘Twas the night before yard sale dancing!

5. I got to drink a hot cup of coffee on a cool morning while watching the sun rise.

6. We unloaded a lot of stuff that we desperately needed to get rid off.  One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure!

7. We raised $86 for the Red Cross…

…which leads me to the singular reason yard sales suck…

This is why my yard sale sucked:

1. No one gave a crap that our yard sale was a fundraiser for victims of Hurricane Sandy.  The “early birds” who pulled up to our 8:00am yard sale at 6:30am were vultures.  Cockroaches.  Con artists!  Miserable people!  Their haggling and ungratitude were nauseating.  They (and the creepy people looking for gold) made me hate the yard sale.

But we persevered.

Was I naïve? I guess, but I’d choose naïve over jaded any day.  There were actually a few nice people who appreciated the complimentary muffins and croissants I provided (besides Dylan and Riley), and the boys quite enjoyed putting colorful price tags on everything (I mean everything).  There were even a few nice customers who insisted on paying the sticker price for items, including my pregnant neighbor to whom I was able to give (not sell) my breast pump.  (May all breast pumps find loving homes.)

Still, I’m pretty sure my first yard sale was also my last.  It was worth the effort, and I’m glad I did it, but it just wasn’t much fun.  Kind of like potty training, which, thank God, I’ll never have to do again.  Or like taking Dylan to the dentist, which, unfortunately, I have to do twice per year (if I’m lucky) for the next decade…at least.

p.s. I heard on the radio this morning that there are still 28,000 homes without power in New York.  Families are still suffering, so be as generous as you can this holiday season.  Visit www.redcross.org to make a donation online or text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 through your cell service provider.

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November 11, 2012 · 8:26 am

Amber Alert

Obi-Wan Kanobi was last seen on Thursday afternoon near the shrubs (which really need to be trimmed) in front of our house.  He’s about three inches tall, plastic, and was wearing a long brown or white robe (there’s been some disagreement) and holding an unconcealed light saber.  While this weapon is considered dangerous, Obi Wan is not considered “armed and dangerous” because he’s a Jedi and Jedis are almost always good guys.  Except for Anakin Skywalker who eventually goes postal and becomes Darth Vader.

Speaking of Anakin, Obi-Wan was fighting the good fight with him at the time of his disappearance.  While Anakin is considered a person of interest in this case, he is not – I repeat not – considered a suspect because, according to Dylan, it’s Anakin from Episode II.  Unfortunately, Anakin, who is a key witness in the case, has been sedated since the disappearance due to the trauma and has, thus far, been unable to answer any questions that might help the investigation.

Luckily, Riley also witnessed the disappearance and had many really (not) useful theories as to what happened, including:

“He’s over here.”  (He’s not.)

“He’s over here.”  (He’s not.)

“Obi-Wan was buried with a treasure.”

“I saw him over there.” (Nope.)

“Obi-Wan was blown away with the wind.”

The initial search was quick because tennis started in twenty minutes.  It involved a lot of crying from Dylan, animal cracker eating from Riley, and backbreaking searching on hands and knees in the bushes by me.  We agreed to search again when Daddy got home from work so we wouldn’t be late for tennis.  Regrettably, Daddy’s search by flashlight later in the evening yielded no clues or evidence.

My friends, it’s as if Obi-Wan disappeared into thin air!

The first 24 – 48 hours are critical in this kind of missing persons case, and it’s with a heavy heart that I tell you Obi-Wan is still missing.  All things considered, Dylan is handling the situation with grace and a maturity that, quite frankly, has shocked me.  (Seriously.)  We will continue our search for as long as it takes to make sure Obi-Wan is returned safe and unharmed to his family.  Until then, we’d like to think he’s off on one really awesome adventure.

If you have any information that could help solve the mysterious disappearance of our dearest Obi-Wan Kanobi, you are urged to contact Jedi Crime Stoppers.

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