January 1, 2012 · 1:51 pm

More or Less

My New Year’s Resolutions are probably a lot like yours, more or less.

Love more.

Judge less.

Trust (myself) more.

Doubt (myself) less.

Read more.

Facebook (a little bit) less.

Cook more.

Drink less.

Give more.

Shop less.

Write more.

Fear less.

Travel more.

Worry less.

Shortly after making this list, I read an article in the Wall Street Journal called “To Stick to New Year’s Resolutions, Try Outsourcing Them.”  The idea is to have someone else make resolutions for you because you might have better luck sticking to them.  On one hand, I don’t believe a person can change unless they find it within themselves to do it.  On the other hand, if someone you love and trust makes a suggestion, it could be the kick in the butt you need to make some positive changes in your life. The article suggests you use your resolution-maker as a source of help, encouragement and support throughout the year.

You know me.  I loved this idea!  Which loving and trusting resolution-makers did I choose?  Mike and Dylan. I didn’t ask Riley because he’s only two, and, generally, when I ask him a question his response is “You’re Mommy Poopy Pants” or “Can I have more milk?”  (FYI: Riley doesn’t know it, but in 2012, he WILL pee and poop in the potty.)

I had no trouble coming up with two resolutions for Mike and presented them several days before the New Year.  Here they are:

1. Make time for exercise or some kind of physical activity for your well-being.  (Between work and home, his life is stressful and chaotic. He needs to make time for himself for his sanity.)

2. Use more of your vacation days.  (He’s a workaholic and needs to take advantage of the time off he’s earned and deserves.)

I’m happy to report my resolutions for Mike were well received.  Mike, on the other hand, took a long while to come up with mine.  As of Friday night, he told me he was still narrowing down his list because after hearing my thoughtful and heartfelt resolutions for him, he needed to consider his initial ideas, which included “get a boob job.”  Nice.  On Saturday afternoon, he revealed his resolutions.  Sort of. Here they are is one:

1.  Take a nightoff once a week and do something for yourself – either alone or with friends.

2.  TBD

Did you ever read “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron?  (Whether you’re an artist or not, this is a personal/creative journey the Runaway Mama highly recommends!)  This resolution is reminiscent of the weekly artist date recommended by the author.  An artist date is a solo expedition that helps feed one’s creativity.  This is a great resolution for me because one of my personal resolutions for 2012 is to write more (for the blog and otherwise).  Nice job, Mike.  Let me know when you’re ready to give me the other one.

Onto Dylan.  I asked him what I could do to be a better Mommy in the year ahead, and his response was “play video games with me.”  On the surface, this might sound like a response that has nothing to do with the question, but it’s actually a very thoughtful answer. Since Dylan turned five, he’s really been embracing his boyhood (i.e. playing video games, building customized Hot Wheels cars, getting into Star Wars, etc.).  The result is that he’s more easily bonding with his Daddy (a boy) than his Mama (a girl).  I love to see him connecting with his father, but I sense this is a crucial time for me.  I can either step back (and admit I don’t really care for video games, building cars or Star Wars) or step up (and figure out a way to enjoy it all so I can continue to bond with my son as he grows).  Obviously, I want the latter.  Dylan, more or less, hit the nail on the head with his resolution for me.

My resolution for Dylan is for him to embrace his independence.  His new thing is: “I’m five so I can [fill in the blank].”  For instance, “Mommy, I’m five so I can cross the street by myself.”  In the same breath, however, he’ll throw a fit if I don’t help him put on his socks.  I’m determined to make this the year Dylan discovers all the things he’s capable of achieving ALL BY HIMSELF.  We were getting in the car when I presented my resolution to him.  His response was, “Mommy, will you buckle me in just for today?”  We have our work cut out for us!

So there you have it.  In 2012, I’ll be taking time off for me, begging Mike to do the same, learning how to play video games and pleading with Dylan to be more independent…more or less. What are your resolutions for the year ahead?

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December 25, 2011 · 7:20 pm

Merry Christmas…What Happens When You Die?

I should have known a question like this was coming after capturing this beautiful – some might say heavenly – picture of the Ft. Lauderdale sunset on Christmas Eve.

We were on our way home from a Christmas Eve gathering at my in-laws last night when Dylan asked, “Mommy, where’s your Grandma?”   Without warning, Mike and I were blindsided into a conversation about death.

Dylan: Mommy, where is your Grandma?

Me: I had two grandmas – Grandma Dorothy was my Mommy’s mommy and Nana Ruth was my Daddy’s mommy.  They are…not alive anymore.

(My Grandma Dorothy had lung and colon cancer.   She actually died on the second night of Hanukkah.  I was in about the fifth grade.  My Nana Ruth died after a long battle with Alzheimer’s disease when I was in my late teens.  I made a quick calculation that this was too much information for a five-year-old.)

Dylan: They’re dead?

Me: Yes.  They were old and sick and they needed to close their eyes and rest in peace.

Mike: They needed to pass on so they wouldn’t be sick or hurt anymore.

Me: Even though they’re gone now, I miss them very much, and they’re always with me in my heart.

Dylan: Did bad guys make them dead?

Me and Mike: No.

Me: They had boo-boos that made their bodies sick and weak.  Bad guys had nothing to do with it.

Dylan: Am I going to die from a boo-boo?

Me and Mike: No!  (Perhaps boo-boo wasn’t the best choice of words.)

Me: When you scratch your knee or get a prick in your finger at the doctor, those are teeny, tiny boo-boos.  Grandma Dorothy had a big, huge boo-boo inside of her that made her whole body sick and weak.  It was good for her to close her eyes because once she passed on she didn’t feel any pain or sickness anymore.

Dylan: When you die, your body stops moving?

Mike: Yes, when you die your body stops moving, but your soul lives on forever.

Me: When your body stops moving, your soul rises from your body and travels around planet Earth and lives in the stars, the planets, the sun, the moon, and rainbows.  Whenever I see a rainbow, I know my Grandmas are watching over me and loving me.

This is where I started talking about the circle of life and how when people die, babies are also born.  Then I remembered reading an article about answering tough questions from young kids, and the advice was to answer only the questions they actually ask.  Good advice, though I wish I had thought of it sooner because my mention of the circle of life prompted a lot of questions about how and when he was born.

Dylan: Did I fall onto planet Earth when I was born?

Me: No, Mommy and Daddy made you and then you lived in my belly until you were ready to come out.

Mike and I told him about going to the hospital and being lifted out of my belly, wrapped in a warm blanket, and put in our arms so we could cuddle.  This was a whole lot easier to talk about than death, but he bored of it pretty quickly.  “I don’t want to do this story anymore,” he said.

Dylan: Is planet Earth dangerous?

Mike: No.  It’s far enough from the sun not to be too hot but close enough not to be too cold.

Me: It’s the perfect distance for plants and flowers and trees and fruits and vegetablesto grow for humans to eat.

Dylan: What’s a human?

Me: People are human beings.  Mommy, Daddy, Riley and you are human beings.

Dylan: Are there bad human beings on planet Earth?

Me: Yes,but most people are good.

Dylan:Is Santa coming tonight?

Mike and I: Yes, after we’re all asleep. (An easy one!)

Dylan: Bad guys wear dresses and funny shoes. (He recently saw “The Smurfs,” so I think he was referring to Gargamel.)

Me: Dylan, Mommy and Daddy will always protect you from bad guys.

As I prepped the coffee pot for the morning, I asked Mike, “How did we do with that death talk?”  He said, “I think we did okay.”  I think we did okay, too.

In honor of beautiful sunsets and rainbows (and Grandma Dorothy and Nana Ruth), wishing you all a Merry Christmas!  May your day be filled with joy, love and peace, and as few conversations as possible about death, birth, dangerous planets and bad guys in dresses.

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