The Motherhood Catch-22

I’m a happy mama today. Tonight is book club, and not only am I going, but I actually finished the book.

After naps (I pray to the sleep fairies for afternoon naps!), I will feed and bathe the boys and get them ready for bed. When Daddy gets home from work, I will hand the parenting reigns to him. I will get dressed in an outfit that will not be smeared with runny noses or yanked with sticky fingers. I will wear heels (heels!) and choose a teeny-tiny purse that fits nothing more than car keys and a cell phone. I will kiss my sweet boys’ heads, squeeze their delicious thighs, and wish them a wonderful evening with Daddy. Then the Runaway Mama will be out the door and off to a fun evening of food, drinks, conversation and maybe a little book discussion, too.

A few hours later, I will come home to a dark, quiet house, and I will feel a pang of sadness that I wasn’t there earlier to wish the boys sweet dreams and happy sleep. I will interrogate my husband about every minute I missed. I will peek in their rooms to catch a glimpse of their peaceful, sleeping bodies. I will fall asleep thinking about them and wondering – just a little bit – if it was worth going out in the first place, and then I will wake up the next morning looking forward to my next night out.