It’s good to exercise your brain, especially if you’re a Mama and extra especially if you’re a Mama in the middle of potty training. In the name of brain boot camp, here are some new Runaway Mama word problems.
1. If Dylan is five and Riley is (almost) three, how many more years does the Runaway Mama have to live with the threat of bodily harm from lightsaber attack?
(Answer: Based on the Runaway Mama’s husband’s affinity for lightsabers at age 38, the threat is indefinite.)
2. If “Cars” was released in 2006 and “Cars 2” was released 5 years later in 2011, in what year will “Cars 1,000,000” be released? (Oh, and Mr. Lucas, when will “Star Wars 7” be in theaters?)
(Answer: The Runaway Mama has no f—king clue. If anyone out there actually figures out the correct answer to this word problem, the Runaway Mama will reward you with a Disney Cruise.*)
3. If the Runaway Mama brings home two packages of “Cars” squinkies, and each package contains 12 squinkies, and within one hour of bringing them home they are all missing, how much money did the Runaway Mama waste at the toystore?
(Answer: $9.99 x 2 + tax.)
4. If Dylan catches a cold, gets better, and re-catches the same cold, and if Dylan then gives the cold to Riley, which includes pinkeye, and if Riley then gives the cold to the Runaway Mama, which thankfully doesn’t include pinkeye but does include a nasty post-nasal drip when she’s trying to sleep and requires an insane amount of nighttime cold medicine, which makes her very groggy and cranky in the morning, and then as soon as the Runaway Mama starts to feel better Dylan starts sneezing again, how many colds have passed through the house?
(Answer: Five. Winter with preschoolers – even in Florida – is a bitch.)
*Disclaimer: The Runaway Mama likes to make stuff up. If I were you, I wouldn’t believe anything she says.