How To Lose Friends And Alienate People…On Halloween

Overall, we had a great Halloween.  We started the night trick or treating with some friends in their neighborhood and finished the night back in our neighborhood.  The kids had a great time, and by the end of the night, their buckets were filled to the gills with candy.  That said, we had some awkward experiences as we walked the streets that made me nostalgic for the magical Halloweens of my youth and made me wonder, what the hell happened to Halloween?  It also inspired a list:

“How To Lose Friends And Alienate People…On Halloween” or “What Not To Do On Halloween”

1. Don’t pretend you’re not home and then turn a light off inside the house while we’re standing in your front yard.  (Psst…we know you’re home.)

2. Don’t pretend you’re not home and then talk loud enough for us to hear you inside the front door. (Psst…we know you’re home.)

3. Don’t decorate your house and front yard for Halloween, answer your door and tell four small adorable children dressed in costumes that you have no candy, and then exit your house seconds later with your entire family dressed in elaborate Halloween costumes to go trick or treating.  While I’m on the topic, don’t defend your cockamamie decision to not give out candy on Halloween by saying, “We don’t celebrate Halloween.”

4. Don’t take five minutes to answer the door in the first place and then say you’ll be right back with candy and then never come back.    (FYI: That’s a long time for our imaginations to wander.)

5. Don’t hang a sign by your front door that says: “OUT FOR THE EVENING.”

This is especially insulting when you’re garage door is open and the lights are on.  At least this sign had artwork.

6. Finally, this not a treat:

Even though you cleverly hid this business card/notepad advertising your real estate services inside this colorful, festive treat bag…

…it’s still not a treat.

I sure do miss the good ‘ol days of Halloween when all we had to worry about was eating candy laced with cyanide or getting egged by the older kids.  At least people answered their doors.  Sigh.

p.s. Happy Retirement to my Dad, a man who always answers the door on Halloween, and, as far as I know, has never given out business cards or office supplies instead of candy.

Disclaimer: I know some people legitimately don’t celebrate Halloween, and that’s okay by me, but I chose to ignore that fact when I wrote this post.  (Psst…I can do that if I want.)

On to Thanksgiving…