Category Archives: anxiety

Balance

The news lately is depressing, isn’t it?

The U.S. government is spying on our phone and Internet use.  There’s an uprising forming in Istanbul, Turkey.  Sexual assault in the military is rampant.  There is yet another (unconstitutional) anti-abortion bill being debated in Congress.  Today marks six months since the Sandy Hook shooting, we’re giving weapons to Syrian rebels, and a massive wildfire in Colorado has killed two, destroyed 360 homes, and has forced thousands to flee.

Sometimes I’m grateful for my mommy bubble.  For being able to retreat into and worry about my little world instead of the rest of it.

For instance, Riley has taken up a new (old) habit of climbing into my bed in the middle of the night.  Even more depressing, per an unplanned dentist appointment yesterday afternoon, his right front tooth has to be pulled.  Soon.  As in any day now.  We made it two years, but he started complaining of pain a few days ago, and an x-ray confirmed that “something” is forming in the root.  Something as in an abscess or an infection.

And Dylan. His soon-to-be 1st grade teachers sent home an exceedingly thick packet of summertime reading and math projects, which is wonderful in theory, but in execution is plain ridiculous.  How on earth will we get it done?  He’s so utterly exhausted by the time we get home from camp each day that I don’t have the heart (or the courage) to suggest, “Let’s write a book report!”

Speaking of camp, I have no idea what the boys are eating (or not eating) for lunch.  I’m not allowed to pack lunches for them, which is mostly a good thing (an amazing thing, actually), but when I pick them up in the afternoon they snack like pigs in a trough.  I’m genuinely afraid they’re going to eat me.

And, what are we doing for Father’s Day?  What am I going to pack for our family vacation to Naples (Florida not Italy)?  How will the boys do on our flight to Boston in July?  Is it possible that the last photo book I made was from 2009?  (Yes, it’s possible.  Very possible.)  I wonder if the uniform store has Dylan’s school shirts in stock?  When is Terminix going to tent my termite-infested house?  Will we get a hurricane this year?  The boys have never been through a big storm.  What should we do for Mike’s 40th in September?  What costumes will the boys choose for Halloween?  Am I going to my 20th high school reunion in November?  (Yes, my Crazy plans ahead.)

Sometimes I’m grateful for my angst, because I honestly don’t want to think about government data mining, an uprising in the Middle East, gun violence, natural disasters, or the endless failures of our Congress.  In other words, sometimes it’s nice be distracted from the news.  Eventually, though, the anxieties of motherhood make me crave something – anything – else to think about so my head won’t implode.

Luckily, the gym where I’ve been working out (true story!) has televisions at every cardio station, so I’ve had ample time this week to watch bits of the morning news shows, which are chock full of just the kind of fluff my brain can handle.

Hillary Clinton has a Twitter account.  (Her bio ROCKS.)

Daddy guilt is the new Mama Guilt.

One funny blog post can land a Mommy blogger on the “Today” show couch.   (A girl can dream!)

In a never-been-done-before magic trick, Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, will now disappear until the birth of her baby.  Abracadabra!  (I wish I could’ve vanished during my last few weeks of pregnancy.)

Lululemon CEO, Christine Day, has stepped down.  (Holy yoga pants crap!  What will become of us!)

Peruse your wedding album at your own risk.  According to David Plotz’s Slate.com article, “This Is The Last Time I Will Ever See You,” marriage, career, kids, and life in general end friendships.

Dads are saying “no” to paternity leave.  (See Daddy guilt above.)

Is zesty too sexy?  Can sex sell salad dressing?  (Probably.)

And just like that, balance is restored in the universe my head.

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Filed under anxiety, motherhood

Bad Words (A List!)

I’m having a thyroid biopsy in about three hours.  It’s my second one.  The first one came back non-diagnostic, or in other words, result-less, which makes me want to say a bunch of bad words one after the other.

I’m driving to the appointment myself this time.  Mike drove last time, because I said “Hell, YES!” to a small dose of Xanax to ease my anxiety over having several small needles inserted in my neck.  This time, though, I’m fine.  I got this.  I know what to expect.  No big deal.  No drugs necessary.   That is, unless you count the glass of wine – or two – last night and the glass of wine – or two – I’m fantasizing about right now.

Any-who, I’ve found that making lists help keep me calm during times of elevated stress, like before my last colonoscopy when I made a list of all the reasons colonoscopies are so awesome and a list of all the ways I’ve turned into my mother.  (FYI, I’m wearing an apron…and not cooking…right now as I write this.)

Today, I could make a list of all the reasons thyroid biopsies suck or about the bazillion things I need to pack for my three-night trip to #Boston with Riley this weekend to go to a wedding with my folks.  (Yes, Crazy Packing Mama has reared her ugly head.)

In 36 hours, I’m taking Riley on an airplane.  To #Boston.  Where it’s cold (for Floridians, anyway).  Where he’ll have to wear long sleeves and long pants, some of which will have zippers, buttons, and collars, all of which he abhors.  Yes, that’s a strong word.  Yes, I meant it.   Oh, and a belt.  He’ll have to wear a belt. And a jacket.  Dear God.  It’s quite possible that I’m more anxious about dressing Riley this weekend than I am about the imminent attack on my neck.  And, p.s., there’s a separate truckload of anxiety that I haven’t even spoke of regarding my packing.  What the hell am I going to bring to Boston?

Deep breath.

I’ve been struck lately about how my boys are crazy sensitive about some “bad” words, yet they could give a rat’s ass about others, which inspired today’s anxiety-induced list.  I mean, seriously, if I say “stupid” or if God forbid I shush someone (I’ve totally done this, by the way), I’m in deep shit.

Words and Phrases My Kids Think Are Bad

  1. Stupid
  2. Dumb
  3. Idiot
  4. Hate
  5. Baby (variations include Stupid Baby, Princess Baby, and Pink Princess Baby)
  6. I don’t care.
  7. Shut up.
  8. Shush
  9. Suck (on its own and/or preceded and/or followed by any other word)
  10. Tattletale

Mostly, I agree that these are all bad words, especially Pink Princess Baby.  That one’s just plain horrific.  It’s just funny to me that my kids don’t flinch, giggle, or care to repeat when I (accidentally, of course) say something like, “oh shit,” “crap balls,” or worse.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention two bad word exceptions we have in our family: (1) We can say stupid in reference to traffic lights.  I don’t know why, it just is.  For instance,  “Turn green, you stupid red light!” is sanctioned and encouraged, especially if we’re running late (and I hate to be late).  Any and all other references to stupid, however, are effed up and totally unacceptable, and (2) At Zoo Miami, we can say ass as long as we’re within twenty feet of the Somali Wild Ass.

There really is a wild ass at the zoo.

Are there bad words your kids go ape shit about?

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Filed under anxiety, list, packing, thyroid, Uncategorized