Category Archives: movie

December 28, 2012 · 10:36 am

The Believer, The Skeptic, and The Jew

Perpetuating the myth of Santa Claus in my house is complicated.

Dylan is The Believer.  The boy who was once afraid of everything is totally cool with Santa.  He’s also wise enough not to question a process that ends with new toys.  On Christmas morning, Dylan was positively giddy about the presents that magically appeared under the Christmas tree.  He said things like, “Did Santa talk to all the moms in all the states?” and “How did Santa know the drums were in the garage?”  (Daddy bought an electric drum set for Daddy, err, I mean, Dylan and Riley for Christmas.)

Riley, on the other hand, is The Skeptic.  He hammered me with demands and questions.  “I want to see Santa’s sleigh.”  Sorry, buddy, that’s not gonna happen.   “Can we go to Santa’s house?”  Um, he’s not home right now.  “When is Santa coming here?”  After you go to (bleeping!) sleep.  “How is he going to get in the house if we don’t have a chimney?”  Cabana door, perhaps?  “Is he going to come in my room?”  Dear God.  I hope not. 

Seriously, how does Santa not frighten children? Riley single-handedly caused me to wonder how a stranger – albeit and jolly one – could enter the house in the middle of the night and not cause harm or make off with our iPads.  Actually, on Christmas morning our garage looked a lot more like we’d been robbed than graced by Santa’s presence.

garage

The most complicated part of the Santa equation in my house is…me.    The Jew.  I understand the concept of instilling joy, wonder, and a sense of belief in innocent children, but the Santa magic doesn’t come naturally for me. You see, Santa didn’t come to my house, and Hanukkah Harry didn’t give me Hanukkah presents.  My parents did.  Doesn’t everyone know that?

When Dylan and Riley were younger, I would wrap and put presents under the Christmas tree as I bought them.  It seemed like a logical and organized way to manage the holiday until one day Mike tactfully explained to me that presents had to be hidden until the kids went to sleep on Christmas Eve so they would think Santa delivered them.  And so began my “Christmas for Dummies” journey to embrace the enchantment of Santa Claus.

I’m trying. I really am.  A few days before Christmas, Dylan asked me. “Where’s Daddy?”  I said, “At Best Buy buying Christmas presents.”  Oops. His response was, “Why is Daddy shopping? Doesn’t Santa bring our presents?”  Crap.  “Santa sent Daddy a text message that he needed some help.  Santa’s very busy, you know.”  Not bad.  At bedtime on Christmas Eve, during Riley’s CSI-style interrogation, he asked, “How will Santa do it?” Maybe he’ll break a window or pick a lock.  I had no clue.  In fact, it occurred to me that we should set the alarm.  In the end, I went with, “Pixie dust.”

Even Dylan saw his Jewish Mama struggling.  On Christmas morning, Riley asked, “Did Santa bring me a big train?”  Then, “Did Santa bring me an airplane?”  “Santa” bought neither, but before I could respond, The Believer said, “Santa brings you what you want.”  Indeed.

Thankfully, after all the presents were opened, the Santa talk subsided, except for The Skeptic.  “Where is Santa now?”  St. Barts?   “What is he doing?”  Having a stiff drink.  “Can we go to his house?”  Sigh.

Two days after Christmas, I took the boys to see “Rise of the Guardians.”  It was a great movie full of wonder, fantasy, and faith, and it definitely helped me, The Jew, rethink my Santa cynicism.  (Thank you, DreamWorks.)  When the movie was over, The Believer said, “That was the best movie ever!” and The Skeptic asked, “Mommy, why did Santa have weapons?”  Oy.  It’s true that Santa wielded two very long and sharp swords throughout most of the movie.  He was also huge and sported a lot of ink.  All I could do was laugh.

Luckily, there’s one mythical character I can really wrap my arms around…the Tooth Fairy.  This is great news because GUESS WHAT?!  Dylan has a loose tooth!  His first one!  I honestly don’t know who’s more excited.  Dylan’s wiggling his tooth non-stop, and I’m shopping online for Batman tooth pillows.  I can’t wait for the night when The Believer puts his first tooth under his pillow and falls asleep with a flashlight by his side just in case he wakes up to catch a glimpse of the magic.

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June 8, 2012 · 8:24 am

All The Threes Have Fire

(Spoiler Alert: Post includes a review of “Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted”)

When we arrived at the “Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted” advanced screening on Saturday morning and were seated in a special “press” section without having to wait in (a very, very long) line, and after the women with the V.I.P. guest list referred to me as a journalist, I thought perhaps I should write a review of the movie.

Since the whole family was there, I enlisted Dylan and Riley as my assistant editors.

I reminded Dylan to pay close attention to his favorite parts of the movie in between shoveling fists full of popcorn into his mouth.

No easy task.

Mike was my personal assistant (ha!).  He was in charge of managing popcorn refills and other miscellaneous tasks like fetching extra 3D glasses and taking the kids to the bathroom.  I couldn’t be bothered with such tedious tasks as I had really important journalistic things to do…like taking pictures of Dylan and me in our 3D glasses.

Plus, he was sitting closest to the aisle.

After the movie ended, I asked the boys for their feedback:

Riley: “That movie was great.”  (Really?  He wouldn’t wear his 3D glasses for most of the film.  Everything was a blurry, dizzy mess.  Just another day in the life for this kid.)

Dylan: “That was a really cool movie.  That movie was awesome.  And it wasn’t scary at all.”

Two thumbs up so far.

Here’s my take:  It was fun and funny, BUT a lot of the best bits were in the trailer, which, thanks to Dylan, I saw a billion times before we set foot in the theater.  Also, you just can’t beat the incredible story-telling and character transformation that took place in the original “Madagascar” where Alex and Marty’s friendship – and Marty’s life (remember “Excuse me, you’re biting my butt”?) – were at stake.  Still, I like how they realized the value of their world adventures and new friends, which made the home they longed for – the New York City Zoo – seem a lot less homey.  Finally, it was utterly implausible.  How on earth, in the first five minutes of the movie, did they get from the plains of Africa to the shores of Monte Carlo…with snorkeling gear?  But, it’s a movie about a talking lion, zebra, giraffe, and hippo, so who am I to judge?

The verdict:  Thumbs up from the Runaway Mama.  (My personal assistant liked it, too.)

On the drive home, Mike noticed Dylan staring thoughtfully out the car window.  He asked him, “What are you thinking about?”  Dylan’s response was, “How come there was no fire?  All the threes have fire.”  Mike and I looked at each other wondering if Dylan was sleep-talking with his eyes open.  “What do you mean?” Mike asked.  Dylan said, “All the threes have fire.  Toy Story 3 had fire, Star Wars 3 had fire, and the Chipmunks had fire, too.”

(Editor clarification:  There was, indeed, a fiery and scary garbage dump scene at the end of “Toy Story 3.”  And there was a hell of a lot of fire and evil in “Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith” when Anekin became Darth Veder.  And in “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked,” there was an explosive and flaming volcano scene at the end.)

Mike and I looked at each other and thought two things: (1) he’s absolutely right and (2) we have one smart kid on our hands.  I mean, I know he’s mine and I think everything he does is genius – well, except for peeing on trees and saying “that’s yuck” instead of “that’s yucky” – but listening to him connect those dots made me happy for the rest of the day.  Well, at least until Riley peed on the bathroom floor.  Next to the toilet.

I reminded him that there was fire in “Madagascar 3.”  The Russian circus tiger, Vitaly, faces his fear at the end of the movie and leaps through a ridiculously small metal hoop lit on fire.  It was preposterous!  But the point was well made.  If you can dream it, you can do it.

“Oh yeah,” Dylan said.  “But it wasn’t scary.”

So there you have it.  “Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted” gets three thumbs up.  It’s a great, cool, awesome, and fun movie.  And there is fire, but it’s not scary.

Can you think of any other movie “threes” with fire?

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