Category Archives: moving

May 10, 2015 · 6:57 pm

It’s Not You, It’s Me

mothersday2015

I’ve been thinking for days about what to write for Mother’s Day. This is a “mommy” blog after all. It’s just that my life is so crazy that I’ve put Mother’s Day on the back burner. There’s no time for it. Whaa?! I can’t believe I wrote that either, but it’s true. I’ve packed Mother’s Day up (like everything else in my house) to be celebrated some other time (date TBD).

This isn’t to say that Mike and the kids haven’t showered me with cards, pictures, gifts, and flowers. They totally have. That, and I had a lovely brunch with my mother- and sister-in-law where I ate the most delectable pesto-buttermilk dressing on top of a southwestern BBQ chicken salad. I do feel celebrated, appreciated, and loved (and full). It’s just that I’m distracted. I’m preoccupied. I’m busy.

It’s just…it’s not you, it’s me.

Last year on Mother’s Day, Mike flew to London, and it broke my heart. Today on Mother’s Day, we dropped Mike off at the airport for a flight to New York right after brunch. We went straight from Burt & Max’s in Delray Beach to the JetBlue Terminal at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. My heart isn’t broken this time. It’s just tired.

Chaos has become our new normal. I don’t remember the last time I had nothing to do. I don’t remember the last time I felt present. I don’t remember the last time I stood still.

It sounds a lot like motherhood.

I’ve been packing up my house in a very serious way for about three weeks, and I’m not nearly done. In fact, there’s one closet in particular that I just can’t bring myself to clear out because it’s filled with very difficult “toss or keep” questions that make me want to fill a shopping cart at Anthropologie.com instead.

The closet aside, my house is as clean and clutter-free as it’s ever been. There’s a wall adjacent to my living room and across from my closet office that’s stacked with cardboard boxes five wide and five tall and growing bigger each day. Every room in the house has been staged just right…but not for us. Not anymore.

The word that best describes how I feel right now – how life feels right now – is temporary. Mike rarely unpacks his suitcase before he has to zip it up again, and I spend most of my days sealing our belongings in boxes to be opened again eventually (date TBD). I’m suspended between…everything.

I can’t help but daydream about the first night we fall asleep in our new house. I imagine this glorious deep breath I’ll take after the madness of the move is over and the strain of Mike’s endless trips eases up. I look forward to the sleepy laziness of the next morning when the boys climb in our bed too early with their morning eyes and hair. I look forward to lingering over a hot cup of coffee (or three) and having nothing particular that needs to be done immediately. I look forward to taking it all in, being present, and standing still.

It’s sounds a lot like Mother’s Day, and I can’t wait.

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Filed under Mother's Day, motherhood, moving

May 4, 2015 · 10:45 am

On The Move

welcome

I suck at sharing big news. I blurt it out awkwardly, say nothing at all, or make a bigger deal than I should. A few years ago, I told you I had a big announcement, and then I teased you for a several weeks prior to revealing that I bought the domain name for The Runaway Mama and switched from a Blogspot to a WordPress blog. Voila!

The process of transitioning my blog platform and buying the rights to the URL were big leaps in my writing journey, but you thought I was pregnant, so when I finally let the cat out of the bag, you were like, “Um…okay.” The ordeal left all of us disappointed because (1) you hoped I was having a third baby, and (2) I felt fat.

I have big news again, and while some of my friends know about it, I’ve yet to write about it. Frankly, it scares the crap out of me, and every time I say it out loud, it feels more and more real and I get more and more anxious. I’m a nervous Nellie on an average day, so now I’m basically a raving lunatic.

Some of you might still dare to believe I’m having a baby, even though I’m on the doorstep of forty and geriatric in the obstetrics and gynecology community. Just like my BFF, Jen Garner, I do have a baby bump, but I’m not pregnant. Some of you might be wondering if I have some kind of cancer. It’s a sad reality for many, but that’s not the news either (thankfully), which reminds me that I need to make an appointment with my dermatologist. Still, some of you might be wondering if I’ve finally written a book. If only.

Here it is.

I’m moving. Out of state. Back to the New York City area. Soon. Like, in a month or so, or several weeks, or a big bunch of days. Holy crap. (See “raving lunatic” reference in paragraph three.)

I know what you’re thinking. No biggie. Whatevs. “Um…okay.” I could live in Maine or Miami and still be the same Anxious Crazy Shopaholic Mama you’ve come to know and follow (thanks, by the way). But it is a big deal, and it’s not just because I have to pack up a house full of hoarders. It’s because I’ve lived in Florida longer than I’ve lived anywhere since I left home for college. The Sunshine State has been the backdrop of more than a decade of my life and marriage and nearly all of my 30s. I have permanent flip-flop tan lines on my feet to prove it!

It’s also where I became a mother.

If this period of my life had a theme, it would definitely be motherhood (or poop). As I throw out, give away, pack up, and prepare to embark on a new journey with my brood, I’m caught between the adventures and opportunities that await in our new locale and the sadness I feel for the friendships and support (and babysitters!) we’re leaving behind. We’re starting anew, but we’re also starting over, and that’s all kinds of scary.

I’m not ready (at all!) to deal with the emotional toll of moving away from friends and family, but I’ve started a mental list of things I’ll miss about living in Florida, including 72 degree winter days, Publix (where shopping is a pleasure), flips flops as an eternal fashion “Do,” and witnessing rain in the front yard but not in the back yard. (That never gets old.) There are things I’m looking forward to in our new locale, too, like the first crisp fall day, shopping for a winter wardrobe (boots, Baby!), and watching in awe as my boys see snow for the first time in their lives.

Of course, I’ve thought about future blog ideas, including “How to Get Your Boys to Wear Pants in 53 Simple Steps” and “Shopaholic Mama Presents: Sweaters That Flatter Every Dog.” Since moving is number three and sandwiched just below divorce and right above major illness on the list of life’s most stressful situations (revisit “raving lunatic” reference in paragraph three), there’s plenty of inspiration for blog posts right now, like “Top Ten Ways to Distract Your Kids While You Throw Out Plastic Easter Eggs, Inflatable Carnival Prizes, Deflated Balloon Animals, Happy Meal Toys, and Other Crap That Will Go on the Moving Truck OVER MY DEAD BODY.” (That title might need some work.)

Stay tuned, my faithful readers, because The Runaway Mama is on the move. But not preggers. Seriously. Not knocked up. No bun in the oven. Are we clear?

Have you done (i.e. survived) a long distance move with your kids? Tell me about it.

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Filed under anxiety, Anxious Mama, Crazy Mama, moving, Shopaholic Mama