Category Archives: pregnancy

Maxi Pads and Meternity

Remember when Apple first introduced the iPad and we were all like, “iPad? That sounds like maxi pad. Is Apple seriously going to name a product after something that reminds people of a feminine hygiene product? Why would anyone buy that? That’s so dumb.”

Obviously, the iPad/maxi pad debacle worked itself out.

Yesterday, a woman and named Meghann Foye introduced us to the concept of “meternity” – a leave of absence from work that has all of the perks of maternity leave without having any kids.

Now listen. I think the idea of “meternity” leave (or sabbatical or leave of absence or resignation) is kind of awesome. There are times in our lives when it would be hugely beneficial and therapeutic to take a time-out from our daily grind to re-evaluate our priorities and indulge in some precious, well-deserved, soul-searching, passion-finding me-time.

I have a confession to make.

When my husband and I moved from New York City to Miami in 2004, I treated myself to a “meternity” leave. I’d been working full-time in public relations for several years and wanted to shift from the agency to the client side of the business. More specifically, I wanted to do public relations in the non-profit sector.

Removing myself from the rat race of New York City plus my husband’s cushy new income allowed me the luxury of volunteering, networking, and finding my niche in the non-profit community in Miami without the hindrance of a full-time job. I also did yoga a few times each week, tagged along on my husband’s business trips to fun places, got a puppy, and took a watercolor art class at the local botanical garden. It was lovely.

A year later, my “meternity” leave paid off. I joined a group of extraordinary women who wanted to create a safety net for young women aging out of foster care and dangling on the precipice of poverty, abuse, incarceration, or worse. I helped build a non-profit organization from the ground up. To this day, it’s the professional work of which I am proudest.

Eventually, I had a baby, and I took a maternity leave. I spent three bloody, poopy, leaky, booby, pukey, sleepless, pee-packed, postpartum depression-filled months keeping a baby alive, saying goodbye to all of my shoes because my feet grew half a size PERMANENTLY, and figuring out how the fuck to comprehend my new identity as a mom, and, oh yeah, finding the courage to leave my tiny baby with a stranger so I could go back to work.

My maternity leave was way different than my “meternity” leave.

Ms. Foye’s new novel, “Meternity,” sounds adorable. I wouldn’t be surprised to see it turned into a screenplay for the big screen. Who doesn’t love watching a Hollywood actress wearing a fake pregnancy belly? I hope the heroine, “Liz,” is played by Emma Stone (I love her raspy voice) or Olivia Wilde (a real-life mom!). If it’s Jennifer Lawrence (also an awesome choice) then the guy who just might be “The One” MUST be played Bradley Cooper. Ryan Reynolds or Channing Tatum would be fine, too, I suppose. Whatevs.

In the end, the iPad (blech!) caught on, so maybe “meternity” leave is going to be “Huuuge!” Maybe we’re being too politically correct. Maybe “meternity” leave is going to make America great again!

(Or maybe it’s chick lit and click bait.)

What do you think?

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Filed under book, motherhood, pregnancy

The Things We Keep

You guys. I love love LOVE telling funny stories. Nothing makes me happier than to tell a good poop story or document reckless shopaholic behavior. Motherhood is freakin’ hilarious, and the funny bits are what I cherish the most, but motherhood is also sometimes confusing, lonely, gritty, messy, and sad.

When I’m not writing about the crappy (pun intended) aspects of a colonoscopy or toys that make me positively loony, you might just find me writing about my dying dog, my son’s sensory processing disorder, my fear of death, or my long ago molar pregnancy. It happens. I can’t control it. It’s me. It’s my journey. It’s my story.

Today, I’m proud (so proud that I have tears in my eyes) to introduce you to my first ever essay published on ScaryMommy.com (Holy crap!). It’s a piece about a not-so-fabulous chapter of my story, but it’s also about cleaning shit out, and cleaning almost always feels good. Except when I’m cleaning pee on the floor next to the toilet. That kind of cleaning never feels good.

So here it is:

HERE → http://www.scarymommy.com/the-things-we-keep/ ←HERE

Thank you to the moon and back for reading AND SHARING!   Please, oh please, share this link!  In doing so, you will be a part of a collective shout from the rooftop that shit happens. That motherhood is a climb. That sometimes we start off on the wrong foot, trip in the middle, or face-plant near the end. But, we pick ourselves up, we carry on, and we find the courage to let go of the things that hold us back and keep the things set us free.

What are the things you’ve kept (or thrown away)? I love comments. Leave them here or on ScaryMommy.com.

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Filed under cleaning, molar pregnancy, motherhood, pregnancy, vacation

The Weight Of It All

Editor’s note:

I wrote this post long before we learned of Robin Williams’ suicide. It has nothing to do with him, yet it’s somehow relevant because as I watched social media explode with both shocking sadness over his death and joyous tributes to his life, I experienced – once again – the power of the shared experience and our limitless capacity to help one another make sense of joy and tragedy.

WeightOfItAll

In one day, I heard from one friend who had emergency surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy and saw photos of another friend’s gender reveal cake on Facebook. (It’s a girl!) A few years ago, I experienced a similar onslaught of contrary news when one friend lost her young daughter to brain cancer on the same day as another friend gave birth to healthy baby girl.

Even further back, I remember the day my sister called to tell me she was pregnant with her second child. At the time, I was in the middle of weekly chemotherapy injections following my molar pregnancy. It’s hard to encapsulate the simultaneous feelings of joy, sorrow, hope, and despair I felt during that conversation, but I also know her good news was as difficult for her to share as it was for me to hear.

It’s frightening to think about the infinite beginnings, middles, and endings that are possible in motherhood (and in life), especially when the farthest ends of the good and bad news spectrum collide so often. I have nothing clever to say about any it, except that all of it reaffirms my belief in the power of the shared experience and our limitless capacity to help one another endure the heartbreaks, revel in the miracles, and carry the weight of it all in between.

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Filed under death, molar pregnancy, motherhood, pregnancy