Category Archives: school

August 17, 2014 · 3:02 pm

It’s The Night Before School

It’s the night before school

And the kids are still up!

Six a.m. will be a bitch

I better set up my favorite K-cup.

 

The backpacks are waiting

By the front door

Alongside my running shoes

Gathering dust on the floor.

 

My “First Day” printables

Are cute as can be

So stay away from Facebook

Unless you can compete with me.

 

The lunch boxes are ready

To be packed with pizzazz!

Because believe me when I say

I love packing lunches as much as…

 

I love Go Math!

Don’t you dig it, too?

Common Core is almost as awesome

As the season that brings the flu.

 

The Nine West “First Day of Kindergarten” ad

Wasn’t all wrong.

There’ll be a welcome six and a half hour break

From the “Everything Is Awesome” song.

 

Their hair has been cut

Their sneakers have been bought

Their uniforms are washed

Whether they want to wear them or not.

 

I’ll cherish the memories of summer

Except the whining, bickering, and “I’M BORED!”

Because in just one more sleep

I will happily cut the cord!

 

The time sure goes by fast

Like a cheap nice bottle of wine

Except when I’m waiting

In an endless carpool line.

 

Let the homework and sniffles

And lice checks commence.

There’s no turning back

And there’s no good defense.

 

It’s time to embrace chaos

And science fair projects, oh dear!

My fellow Mamas, it’s once again time

For another crazy school year.

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Filed under poem, school

August 14, 2014 · 6:17 pm

The Runaway Mama’s Solution To Getting Your Kids Excited To Go Back To School

UnauthorizedParentHack

I have a surefire way to get your kids excited to go back to school. It’s so simple that I can hardly believe it myself. Are you ready? Here it is:

Take them on errands.  Several of them.  In a row.  All day.

Here are the basic guidelines for success:

1. Make sure the errand locations are boring. Dull. Mind-numbing. For example, take them to Public Storage to sign a multi-page contract on a 10 X 10 storage unit. Or, go to Fedex Office and wait in a long line to place an order for 500 black & white copies of a PTO flyer. Or, go to Macy’s to buy socks.

2. Do not make it fun. In other words, don’t stop for frozen yogurt, forget the tablets at home (oops!), and listen to talk radio in the car.

3. Make no less than six (but no more than 10 stops) during the day. Be sure the overall length of the journey is at least four hours long, but aim for five to six.

Runaway Mama Tip:

Don’t be a hero. More than ten stops and six hours might result in lunacy (for you AND your children) that can’t be reversed.

4. Do said errands on a day that is hot or rainy or both.

5. If you don’t see results after one full day of errand schlepping, repeat daily as needed. (See below for errand ideas.)

7. Be patient. This totally and completely unauthorized parent hack is guaranteed to work. Eventually, your kids will break. They will be excited to go back to school.

#unauthorizedparenthack

Errand Ideas

Renew your driver’s license.

Bring a prescription to the pharmacy and wait for it to be filled.

Check your tire pressure at the gas station.

Get the car serviced. Wait at the dealership.

Go to your cable company office to exchange equipment.

Apply for a passport.

Wait in line at the post office for a book of stamps.

Exchange shirts for a different size at the school uniform store.

Take the kids for haircuts.

Drop off bags of old clothes at Goodwill.

Register for fall sports. (Forget your proof of residency. Drive back home to get a recent utility bill and then drive back.)

Go to Bed Bath & Beyond to buy silver cleaner and a waterproof mattress pad.

 Do you have any errand ideas to add?

 

 

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Filed under list, school