July 11, 2011 · 3:59 pm

Everything

Mike took Dylan to Costco over the weekend, and on the way, Dylan asked Mike what his job was.  Mike explained that he was a reporter and a project manager.  Dylan’s priceless response was, “Do you fix things?”  Next, Dylan asked what my job was?  Mike said, “Mommy’s job is taking care of you, your brother and the household.”  (Why does it always sting a little bit to hear this basically true statement out loud?) Dylan’s response was, “Mommy’s job is cooking.”  (By the way, I’m so glad he said cooking instead of doing laundry.  I actually enjoy cooking.)  And then this was the best part.  Dylan said, “Mommy’s job is everything.”  This is quite possibly the best job description for a mother that I’ve ever heard.

I don’t actually do everything, but it often feels like it, and it’s one of the reasons I haven’t rushed back into the (paid) workforce yet.  I feel like I’ve been living inside an episode of the Wonder Pets for nearly three years, so it’s hard to imagine having the capacity to be responsible for or accountable to anyone besides my two children (and husband and dog).  On top of that, I don’t want to become a Caught in the Middle Mama again.  Been there.  Done that.  And then there’s the fear – fear of failure, fear of taking on too much and fear of, well, everything.  It’s one thing to want everything, but it’s another thing to have it all on one plate.

Even with all of this apprehension, I’ve been very discreetly doing something totally and completely HUGE.  I’ve started working.  I’m doing freelance public relations (what I used to do), and I’m getting paid (gasp!).  This is what I was referring to in my blog birthday post when I said I was taking baby steps outside of my cozy mommy bubble.

 As I’ve stated (and demonstrated) before, stay-at-home mamahood can be a nerve-racking, hair-raising experience, but no matter how crazy it gets, it’s still a different animal than work.  Combining the two takes courage and patience (and good friends and plenty of Pino Grigio), and balancing them must be done delicately.  Baby steps, indeed.  I’m working from home, making my own hours, earning some money and still “cooking.”  I’m a Fortunate Mama tiptoeing very slowly toward…everything. 

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Filed under caught-in-the-middle mama, fortunate mama, work

July 8, 2011 · 1:56 pm

The Runaway Mama Turns One!

When I realized my blog birthday was coming up, the first thing I did was go back and read my very first post from July 8, 2010.  It was titled “Hello!” and was an introduction of sorts for what I hoped I would accomplish through the blog.  In honor of this special occasion, I thought it might be fun to take a look at what I wrote then and where I am now.

Here’s how it started:

Hello!

For the record, I’ve never actually run away.  It’s just that I sometimes crave experiences outside of my cozy mommy bubble – a bubble that I am eternally grateful to have. 

A year later, I still haven’t run away.  I have, however, proven myself quite capable of horrid, guilt-producing, runaway fantasy-inducing thoughts.  They usually happen very early in the morning, like when Riley wakes up at 5am demanding finger paints, or at bedtime, when the boys flood the bathroom while brushing their teeth.  Sometimes it happens in the middle of the day, too, like when Dylan pees in the toilet while the seat cover is closed and doesn’t seem to notice (or care).  But, I still haven’t packed a bag.  Not yet, anyway.

As for the bubble, I stand by my statement that I’m a Grateful Mama for it, although I’m also thankful the kids are a little bit older and in school a few more hours each day.  So far, I’ve only taken baby steps toward “outside of my cozy mommy bubble” experiences, but imagine the future possibilities!

I went on to write:

You see, I’ve always been curious about the world and motivated to make change, and these qualities have truly been my guide in life.  

Now that I’m a mother, my desire to make a difference is intensified, but, ironically, motherhood is what makes it hard for me to get out and do something about it.  I can barely get a babysitter on a Saturday night!  

What a difference a year makes!  I have not one but three babysitters to call on for an occasional Saturday night out.  This might just be my proudest parenting achievement aside from potty training Dylan.  As for making change, through my blog I’ve made a few people laugh, I’ve heard a few people to say, “Wow, my kid does that, too,” and I’ve even had a few people say, “Thank you.”  That’s change enough for me.  Yes, I often write about shopping, poop and the silly things my boys do, but the shared experience does make a difference.

Then I wrote:

I have the awesome responsibility of raising two little boys to become good men.  In doing so, I know I will contribute something unique and amazing to the world, but it’s sometimes hard to envision this during an average day in my life.

That’s why I’m starting this blog.  More than ever before, I want get out and do something bold and important, but at least for now, it has to happen between naps and play dates and The Backyardigans.

Besides the naps (this precious commodity is long gone), this statement is still pretty accurate.   Parenting is a beast of a job and it pushes me to my limit every day, but I wouldn’t change a thing.  Every day I’m Dylan and Riley’s Mommy makes me a stronger, wiser and more compassionate person.  Raising my boys is bold and important, and there’s no doubt they are unique and amazing.  How could I ever run away from this?

Finally, I wrote:

You’ll learn a lot more about me and my family as I write my way through this, and I can’t wait to get to know you along the journey.  

Thanks for reading!

It’s possible you’ve learned more about me than you really wanted to this past year (my colonoscopy comes to my mind), but good relationships are honest ones.  I have no idea what to expect in year ahead (except that I’ll have to potty train Riley at some point…God help me), but whatever happens, I know I’ll share it with you.

On this blog birthday, I wish for another year of creativity, good health and laughter.  Less whining and a few afternoon naps would be nice, too, but that might be pushing it.

As always, thanks for reading!

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Filed under birthday, Grateful Mama, gratitude, making a difference