September 8, 2010 · 2:24 pm

Rehab 101

I did it. I survived one month of shopaholic rehab. I bought nothing but food, diapers and household essentials for 31 days. Well, except for two situations…

There was one incident where I talked my mom into adding a Kindle cover for me to her amazon.com order. Technically it was a gift, and adding the cover to her order got her free shipping, so it was a win-win situation for everyone, right?

Also, I bought books and puzzles for the kids when we were on vacation. It was the first night we used the resort’s babysitting services and I wanted to give them a surprise for being good with the sitter, and, of course, to ease my guilt for leaving them with one.

I wasn’t flawless, but I think I did a pretty good job of cutting my impulse spending, and I started chipping away at my shopping addition. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

1.My name is Jen and I’m an emotional shopper. Based on my Google research, this appears to be a real syndrome. The vacation incident I mentioned above is a classic example of how my emotions propel me to shop. This is going to take time to fix, but I’m starting to feel (it’s an actual physical sensation for me) the difference between healthy and unhealthy shopping.

2.I want a lot, but I don’t need a lot. This one is simple. I didn’t buy anything for a month and I’m still alive. I wasn’t seduced by free shipping or buy one get one free offers and I’m okay. Happy, actually. In fact, I’ve spent more time writing, running, reading and, this one’s tough to admit, playing with my kids. As it turns out, wanting (and buying) things I don’t need makes me anxious and unproductive.

3.When I open my closet and think, I have nothing to wear, it has nothing to do with the clothes in my closet. I had one of these emergencies last week. Riley was sick and so clingy that he would’ve crawled back inside me if he could. I had to bring him to the doctor that morning where I knew I would wait for an eternity. (FYI: Actual wait time was an hour and 15 minutes. This should be illegal.) That afternoon, I would be tortured by “Thomas The Train” DVDs, and that evening I would have to leave the kids with a babysitter, with Riley kicking and screaming because of his clinginess, to go to the open house at school where I would juggle meeting with both kids’ teachers because Mike wasn’t going with me. So there I stood in my closet thinking about the day ahead, with Riley hanging on my left leg for dear life, and I couldn’t catch my breath. That was all I needed to declare, I have nothing to wear.

4.Shopping is fun…in moderation. It’s noble to accessorize the same black top and jeans every time you go out, but when it’s your anniversary or your birthday, it’s also nice to wear something that makes you feel special. I look forward to this special occasion shopping. I just have to remind myself that I don’t have to spend $200 at the Gap just because it’s 10% Tuesday.

What’s next? Definitely more rehab, but with a little bit of wiggle room so I can test my new skills. I also want to work on extending what I’m learning to my kids. Riley hasn’t exhibited any shopaholic symptoms yet, but it’s quite possible that Dylan is worse off than me. As I sit here editing this post, Dylan is reading a book and pointing at the pictures saying “I wanna buy that and that and that and that and…” Oy.

To start, we’re going to donate some of our vast collection of toys this fall. I plan to include Dylan in the process to start teaching him the importance of being charitable. I also hope to make Chanukah a holiday of giving instead of receiving. My plan is help the kids pick out a charitable organization and make a small donation in their name. Please don’t call me the Grinch (my husband does!). We celebrate Christmas, too, so the kids will get plenty of presents.

Do you have any tips or ideas to keep kids from turning into shopping addicts? Please share them in the comment space on the blog. I could use all the help I can get! Thanks!

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Filed under Shopaholic Mama, shopaholism, Uncategorized

August 27, 2010 · 3:04 pm

1-2-3 Happy

I assumed when I wrote about the first day of school this week it was going to be all about me.  I was going to write about how The Runaway Mama finally got her freedom (10 and a ½ hours a week to be exact) and was going to accomplish some monumental tasks, like running without a jogging stroller, organizing a yard sale and going to the bathroom with the door closed.  As it turns out, my expectations were a little bit high

The week started out okay.  On Monday, Dylan was happy when I left him in his classroom, and even though Riley was a little bit teary when I left him, I knew the separation anxiety was a normal rite of passage.  And besides, his classroom had a bubble machine. He wouldn’t be sad for long.

For all the hype, my first morning alone was pretty average.  I didn’t plan anything special, like a pedicure or trip to the mall. Besides the fact that I’m still in shopaholic rehab (week 4!), I really just wanted to go for a run, take a shower and write for a little while.  I did all three things, and I even made a last-minute stop at CVS (not an easy errand with a hungry or tired toddler in tow).  What was extraordinary about the very ordinary morning was the quiet.  The run, the shower, the house and the car – everything was quiet.  It was bliss.

Then came Tuesday.  Dylan, to put it mildly, was distraught when I left him at school.  His teacher had to peel him off of me, and then through the one-way window outside his classroom, I watched him sob and rock back and forth while happy kids whizzed all around him.  In hindsight, I shouldn’t have been surprised by his anxiety – he’s my emotional one – but it caught me off guard.  I spent the entire day fixated and worried about him (we know who he gets his anxiety from), so there was no bliss to be had that day.

Wednesday.  Riley woke up with pinkeye.  We only lasted two days at school before going to the doctor!  In my house, all you have to do is say pinkeye and someone’s eyes start oozing.  After talking to Dylan about making a choice to be happy instead of sad (in our house, we say “1-2-3 Happy!” to snap out of a bad mood), he reluctantly went back for another try at school, and Riley and I went to the pediatrician.  In the end, Dylan did much better than the day before, but he had a pee-pee accident in the evening. On top of that, he’s been having tantrums and doing a lot of baby talk, pointing and arm flapping – just like his little brother.  Regression is the word of the week.

That evening, Mike and I had one of those husband/wife arguments that starts with a conversation about the weather and ends with avoiding speaking to one another, and after the boys finally went to sleep, I burned my left hand badly when cooking dinner.  I drifted off to sleep that night frustrated, wincing from pain, dreaming of Percocet and wondering if the week could possibly get worse.  It didn’t, thankfully.  Thursday was a pretty good day for everyone. Dylan was happier at school, Riley’s eyes cleared up and my burn stopped throbbing. But still, the mental exhaustion of the week settled in and my patience was thin.

Friday morning.  Both boys are at school.  I just came back from a long, hot run, and after I post this blog entry, I will shower and run some errands. The house is quiet and I’m feeling a little bit of the bliss I felt on Monday.  I’m sure the afternoon will include some tantrums, crying and arm flapping, but my gut says we’re headed on a more positive trajectory.

I hate to be a complete cynic, so I have to tell you there were a few great moments during the week.  First, we had new hurricane impact resistant windows installed on half of the house. They are gorgeous!  I can’t wait to do the second half…after we win the lottery.  Also, Riley mooed at the pediatrician’s office on Wednesday morning. This is a big deal because until a few weeks ago, he said nothing but “mama” and “quack.” Now his vast vocabulary includes “mama,” “dada,” “quack,” “go,” “car” (we think), and “moo.”  Harvard here we come!  Finally, on Thursday afternoon, Dylan requested apple slices for a snack.  I nearly fell over.  He wanted fruit instead of orange crackers.

In the midst of all of this parenting madness, I have to remember to be grateful for the little things.  Windows, “moo” and fruit.  I am 1-2-3 Happy.

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Filed under anxiety, Grateful Mama, gratitude, pinkeye, school