Category Archives: pets

Acceptable

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Skittles went to his first vet appointment. The doctor examined his coat, joints, and genitals. He listened to his heart and checked his eyes, teeth, and breathing. He scrutinized his build and shape. When he held Skittles up to survey his chest and belly, Skittles kissed his nose.

In his notes, the vet wrote “acceptable.”

I laughed. Exceptional seemed like a better word to describe the sweet little ball of cuteness that fell asleep in my arms during his checkup. “Does that mean he’s not show dog material?” I asked with a smile.

He laughed. “His lower jaw protrudes further than his upper jaw, and his nose is quite flat.”

“Happy and healthy is what we’re going for,” I assured him. “If that’s ‘acceptable,’ we’ll take it.”

The lesson here is that acceptable (tolerable, bearable, meeting only minimum requirements) is the new exceptional (outstanding, extraordinary, remarkable).

Wishing you an acceptable day.

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My dog’s thoughts upon learning we’re getting a puppy. 

My dog’s thoughts upon learning we’re getting a puppy.

  1. What the f**k did I ever do to you?
  2. Is this about the time I had diarrhea behind the TV?
  3. I’m sorry I snore. In my defense, you do, too.
  4. I’m sorry I accused you of snoring. Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed.
  5. Your farts are like lullabies.
  6. I’m sorry I accused you of farting. Of course, you don’t fart in your sleep. It must be the other guy.
  7. You keep saying, “Sharing is caring.” I’m about to be disappointed, aren’t I?
  8. Our hearts know no bounds? Really?
  9. Are you still mad about the bunny(ies)?
  10. I promise I’ll wipe my paws by the back door.
  11. Seriously. I promise.
  12. Fine. I’ll swallow that crappy heartworm pill every month. But it tastes like chalk, you know!
  13. And, by the way, I prefer ground beef to ground chicken.
  14. Chicken is fine. I love you.
  15. But why?
  16. This is happening even if I promise to stop eating grass, isn’t it?

F**k.

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