September 23, 2014 · 11:07 am

Why I (Mostly) Hate Minecraft

Minecraft has become a thing in my house. By thing, I mean it has captured the hearts and minds of my young and impressionable boys. By captured, I mean it has robbed them of their souls. By robbed, I mean I have googled “Minecraft rehab.”

To give you better sense of the seriousness of this addiction, I haven’t seen the boys’ BFF, Evan, from EvanTubeHD, in several days. It’s reminiscent of the Great Break Up of 2011 (when Dylan announced he no longer liked Cars and immediately began a rebound relationship with Toy Story) and as serious as the time I didn’t go shopping for 30 days. (New readers: That actually happened. Once.)

I’m an optimist (mostly), so I like to think of Minecraft as leverage – as in “Finish your spelling sentences or Minecraft will disappear forever” – but the distraught look on their faces when make I this idle threat (5-7 times per day) is, frankly, concerning.

In honor of this insidious videogame that the boys can’t imagine living without and I can’t imagine living with much longer, here’s a list of all of the times when I want to flip Minecraft the bird…and when I don’t.

I hate Minecraft…

  1. When it’s time to eat breakfast before school.
  2. When I ask, “What do you want for breakfast?”
  3. When I ask, “What do you want for breakfast?”
  4. When I ask, “What do you want for breakfast or THERE WILL BE NO BREAKFAST!”
  5. When it’s time to get dressed for school.
  6. When it’s time to get dressed RIGHT NOW for school.
  7. When it’s time to brush teeth before school.
  8. When it’s time to tie shoes before school.
  9. When they and their sticky fingers beg for my iPhone in the car on the way to school.
  10. When they and their dirty, germy, sticky fingers beg for my iPhone in the car on the way home from school.
  11. When I ask, “How was your day at school?”
  12. When I say, “Tell me about something you learned at school today.”
  13. When I beg, “Tell me something – anything – about your day at school.”
  14. When it’s time for math homework.
  15. When it’s time for spelling homework.
  16. When it’s time for 20 minutes of reading.
  17. When “You’ve only been reading for three minutes!”
  18. When it’s time to clean up the toys.
  19. When they’re watching YouTube videos of people they don’t know playing Minecraft.
  20. When I need help lifting, moving, opening, closing, folding, wiping, sweeping, washing, mixing, or organizing anything.
  21. When it’s time to get dressed for hockey.
  22. When it’s time for dinner.
  23. When it’s time for dinner RIGHT NOW.
  24. When it’s time to take a bath or shower.
  25. When it’s time to play with the dog.
  26. When it’s time to brush teeth before bed.
  27. When it’s time to get into bed.
  28. When it’s time to turn out the lights.
  29. When I say, “I love you. Sweet dreams,” and I hear crickets. Oh wait, that’s Minecraft “tutorial” music.
  30. When it’s time to go to sleep.
  31. When it’s time to go to sleep!
  32. When it’s time to GOTOSLEEP!

I love Minecraft…

  1.  When we’re in the car.

 That’s it.

When we’re in the car, and they’re playing Minecraft on their tablets in the backseat and the only sound I hear is…wait, I don’t hear anything except the radio or my voice or my thoughts…and I wonder Are they asleep? and no one is fighting, whining, crying or asking me for a snack, and no one is opening and closing the window over and over again, and no one is kicking my seat, and no one is demanding, “Open this!” or “Take my trash!” as I merge onto a five-lane highway, I realize I don’t want to live in a world without Minecraft either.

3 Comments

Filed under boys, videogames

September 19, 2014 · 12:19 pm

Getting To Know You

Dylan sometimes (okay, often) says to me, “Mommy, you need to have more patience in the bathroom.” He’s right. The bathroom is the scene of some of my worst parenting moments (that is, besides the car). Simply put, the bathroom is my tipping point. They either take too long, talk too loud, touch everything, or all of the above, and, frankly, it’s excruciating.

Recently, in the middle of a friendly debate with him over my “alleged” swimming skills, I said, “I do too know how to dive!” His response was swift and startlingly clever. “Mommy, you don’t even like to get your hair wet.” He was right again. For the record, I do know how to dive, although I can’t remember the last time I did.

He’s almost eight, and he knows me.

One night not too long ago in the bathroom, Riley said to me, “Mommy, did you have coffee today?”

“Yes,” I said confused because it was nighttime and I drink coffee in the morning. “Why?”

“Because you’re grumpy, and you always tell us you get grumpy when you can’t have coffee.”

I was grumpy that night in the bathroom, but in my defense: (1) it was way past bedtime, (2) tooth brushing wasn’t going very well, (3) we were in the bathroom, and (4) I had just discovered that the puppy pooped on the floor in my bedroom.

Still, he was right.  He’s only five, but he knows me, too.

Although the coffee remark stopped me in my tracks, it wasn’t because it made me feel guilty (okay, maybe a little bit). Rather, it was because it brought on a terrifying vision of a teenaged version of Riley rolling his eyes at me and saying, “Mom, are you on your period or something?” It’s true that I almost always cry 48-72 hours before I get it, so it’s quite possible that he and his brother will eventually know the ins and outs of my menstrual cycle as well as they know that I’m irritable when I haven’t had coffee and/or it’s after 7pm and/or I’m in a bathroom with either one of them.

They already know me quite a bit. They know I like owls and yellow roses and “So You Think You Can Dance.” They know I like to run and write stories about being a mommy. They know I pour a glass of wine when it’s five o’clock or time for math homework (whichever comes first). They know I don’t like loud voices or music in the car and it hurts my ears when the car windows are open. They know I don’t like to get my hair wet in the pool, idle in public bathrooms, or buy toy-junk at the grocery store. They know I can’t stand puzzles or Lego kits with missing pieces. They know I absolutely hate to be late. They probably know I’m particular (i.e. obsessive compulsive) about loading the dishwasher, I can’t stand it if someone pulls on my shirt or sweater, and no matter how hard I try, I have zero interest in video games. They most likely know when I’m aggravated at their Daddy, when I’ve had one glass of wine too many, and when I feel fat. Perhaps they know when I’m sad. They most certainly know when I’m proud or happy, but also when I’m disappointed, anxious, or scared.

They’re getting to know all of me. Not just the mommy me but the human me. They’re soaking in my quirks and imperfections as we grow this extraordinary and complicated relationship together, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it, but I guess it’s only fair, because, oh boy, I know them, too.

5 Comments

Filed under aha moment, babies, bathroom, boys, motherhood, parenting