Monthly Archives: September 2014

September 24, 2014 · 9:14 am

This Is Me Not Writing About How Today Is My Birthday

Shhh.

This is me not writing about how today is my birthday. About how today is my 39th birthday, which is deceiving because if you think about it, yesterday was the end of my 39th year and today is the first day of my 40th year here on Earth, and, well, I’m kinda sorta standing in the foyer of 40, and that’s a lot to take in.

It’s not that I feel old, but I do feel a lot of things.

I feel these…

wrinkles1

and these…

wrinkles2

and these…

wrinkles3

Thank you, glasses (for which I already need a stronger prescription), for helping to conceal my eye wrinkles.

I feel so vain even discussing this. Not be confused with the bulging and expanding varicose vein on my left calf (not photographed for your benefit). I feel that vein all the time.

I feel worried. My eyes are very dry. Like California dry. I read an article in the Sunday newspaper that said dry eyes are a little-known symptom of perimenopause. As my boys would say, What the?! I also recently read about a study that links the long term use of benzodiazepines to Alzheimer’s. As my boys would also say, Holy Christmas nuts! (I have no idea why they say this.) Since I take a benzodiazepine nightly to ward off insomnia and Alzheimer’s runs in my family, I’m feeling deeply and disturbingly concerned about this.

I feel sad. Last year on my birthday, I sat weeping in my car outside of a restaurant where I was meeting friends for lunch because our doctor at the veterinary hospital called to confirm Harry had insulinoma, a cancer in his pancreas from which he would eventually die.

I feel anxious. The time period from when Harry became sick to when he died was both endless and fleeting. I don’t want to rewrite any of it here. Honestly, I can’t.  But you can read about it here and here and here and  here and here. (By the way, I often reread my posts from that time. It’s comforting and proof that this blog is worth the blood, sweat, and tears.)   The whole ordeal left me exhausted, depleted, on a therapist’s couch, and, for the grand finale, under the knife because I had a basal cell carcinoma, or cancer, on my face. (To be clear, Harry’s death and my basal cell carcinoma had no connection, except that when it rains it pours.) Being that I’m a thinky-feely-writey type of person, all of this has stuck with me and resurfaced as a dull and throbbing emotional ache. Boo.

I’d like to tell you that life is quieter this year, and I suppose it is if you consider that we haven’t experienced the death of a beloved pet or cancer on anyone’s face, but it’s hardly quiet. In other words, there’s always something going on with someone.

I’m opting out of a loud celebration this year. Believe me, I’m marking the occasion in small gestures, but I’m doing it all very softly and on my tippy toes because if I stay quiet, I won’t wake the baby, so to speak. If I stay quiet, maybe I can prevent something loud (i.e. bad, scary, hard) from happening.  Maybe.  In the silence, I’m focusing on all of my blessings and pondering carefully what I need (family, friends, good health, “The Good Wife,” and SkinnyPop) versus what I want (expensive wrinkle repair cream).

I feel a lot on this first day of my 40th year, and this is me not writing about any of it.

Shhh.

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Filed under birthday, Harry

September 23, 2014 · 11:07 am

Why I (Mostly) Hate Minecraft

Minecraft has become a thing in my house. By thing, I mean it has captured the hearts and minds of my young and impressionable boys. By captured, I mean it has robbed them of their souls. By robbed, I mean I have googled “Minecraft rehab.”

To give you better sense of the seriousness of this addiction, I haven’t seen the boys’ BFF, Evan, from EvanTubeHD, in several days. It’s reminiscent of the Great Break Up of 2011 (when Dylan announced he no longer liked Cars and immediately began a rebound relationship with Toy Story) and as serious as the time I didn’t go shopping for 30 days. (New readers: That actually happened. Once.)

I’m an optimist (mostly), so I like to think of Minecraft as leverage – as in “Finish your spelling sentences or Minecraft will disappear forever” – but the distraught look on their faces when make I this idle threat (5-7 times per day) is, frankly, concerning.

In honor of this insidious videogame that the boys can’t imagine living without and I can’t imagine living with much longer, here’s a list of all of the times when I want to flip Minecraft the bird…and when I don’t.

I hate Minecraft…

  1. When it’s time to eat breakfast before school.
  2. When I ask, “What do you want for breakfast?”
  3. When I ask, “What do you want for breakfast?”
  4. When I ask, “What do you want for breakfast or THERE WILL BE NO BREAKFAST!”
  5. When it’s time to get dressed for school.
  6. When it’s time to get dressed RIGHT NOW for school.
  7. When it’s time to brush teeth before school.
  8. When it’s time to tie shoes before school.
  9. When they and their sticky fingers beg for my iPhone in the car on the way to school.
  10. When they and their dirty, germy, sticky fingers beg for my iPhone in the car on the way home from school.
  11. When I ask, “How was your day at school?”
  12. When I say, “Tell me about something you learned at school today.”
  13. When I beg, “Tell me something – anything – about your day at school.”
  14. When it’s time for math homework.
  15. When it’s time for spelling homework.
  16. When it’s time for 20 minutes of reading.
  17. When “You’ve only been reading for three minutes!”
  18. When it’s time to clean up the toys.
  19. When they’re watching YouTube videos of people they don’t know playing Minecraft.
  20. When I need help lifting, moving, opening, closing, folding, wiping, sweeping, washing, mixing, or organizing anything.
  21. When it’s time to get dressed for hockey.
  22. When it’s time for dinner.
  23. When it’s time for dinner RIGHT NOW.
  24. When it’s time to take a bath or shower.
  25. When it’s time to play with the dog.
  26. When it’s time to brush teeth before bed.
  27. When it’s time to get into bed.
  28. When it’s time to turn out the lights.
  29. When I say, “I love you. Sweet dreams,” and I hear crickets. Oh wait, that’s Minecraft “tutorial” music.
  30. When it’s time to go to sleep.
  31. When it’s time to go to sleep!
  32. When it’s time to GOTOSLEEP!

I love Minecraft…

  1.  When we’re in the car.

 That’s it.

When we’re in the car, and they’re playing Minecraft on their tablets in the backseat and the only sound I hear is…wait, I don’t hear anything except the radio or my voice or my thoughts…and I wonder Are they asleep? and no one is fighting, whining, crying or asking me for a snack, and no one is opening and closing the window over and over again, and no one is kicking my seat, and no one is demanding, “Open this!” or “Take my trash!” as I merge onto a five-lane highway, I realize I don’t want to live in a world without Minecraft either.

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Filed under boys, videogames