Category Archives: list

December 6, 2012 · 10:29 am

Six Is So Much Different Than Five (And A List!)

Today is Dylan’s birthday.  Not his birthday party day or his practice birthday, but his actual birthday.  He’s six years old.  I’m honestly not sure how any of this happened.  I mean, seriously, how did he go from this…

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…to this?

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Sources tell me this is commonly referred to as growing up, but I don’t believe them because if I’m not getting any older – and I’m not – how on earth is he?

On previous birthdays, this alleged growing up phenomenon wasn’t a big deal because even when Dylan went from two to three or three to four years old, I could still squeeze his chubby thighs, sing songs to him at bedtime, and kiss his boo boos to make them feel better.  But on this birthday – this sixth birthday – I have mixed emotions because I’m quickly realizing that six is so much different than five.  Here’s how (in no special order):

  1. He has no more soft baby fat for me to squeeze.  In fact, his body is hard and strong.
  2. He prefers Band-aids over kisses for boo boos.
  3. He wears basketball sneakers to school because his friends do.
  4. Boxers or briefs?  Boxers!  Thank goodness they’re still covered with superheroes.
  5. He answers yes/no questions with, “oh yes it is,” or, “oh yes they are.”  (Example: Dylan, is your shirt in the laundry basket? Oh yes it is.  Dylan, are your pictures on the bulletin board at school?  Oh yes they are.)  This might have nothing to do with his age, but I’m taking the liberty of making a correlation since it just started this week.
  6. Picking him up feels inappropriate, and, quite frankly, requires more upper body strength than I can muster.  At this point, he should carry me.
  7. He can tuck in his shirt.  Sort of.
  8. He prefers showers to baths.
  9. He doesn’t need help in the bathroom anymore.  I won’t bore you with the details, but I was beginning to wonder (i.e worry) if he was going to need my help in the bathroom in college, which would’ve been a logistical nightmare.
  10. He appeases his irrational little brother if I ask him nicely.  Sometimes.
  11. He uses the “men’s room.”  On his own.  Occasionally.  Depending on the place, the crowd, my anxiety level, and/or the strength of my pedophile radar).
  12. Yesterday, he called me Mom (i.e. not Mommy).  I’m trying hard to pretend it never happened.

One thing that hasn’t changed at all is the whining.   There appears to be just as much whining at age six as there was at age five.  In fact, it might actually be worse.

Happy birthday, Dylan!  Mommy (not Mom) loves you!

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November 2, 2012 · 10:35 am

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People…On Halloween

Overall, we had a great Halloween.  We started the night trick or treating with some friends in their neighborhood and finished the night back in our neighborhood.  The kids had a great time, and by the end of the night, their buckets were filled to the gills with candy.  That said, we had some awkward experiences as we walked the streets that made me nostalgic for the magical Halloweens of my youth and made me wonder, what the hell happened to Halloween?  It also inspired a list:

“How To Lose Friends And Alienate People…On Halloween” or “What Not To Do On Halloween”

1. Don’t pretend you’re not home and then turn a light off inside the house while we’re standing in your front yard.  (Psst…we know you’re home.)

2. Don’t pretend you’re not home and then talk loud enough for us to hear you inside the front door. (Psst…we know you’re home.)

3. Don’t decorate your house and front yard for Halloween, answer your door and tell four small adorable children dressed in costumes that you have no candy, and then exit your house seconds later with your entire family dressed in elaborate Halloween costumes to go trick or treating.  While I’m on the topic, don’t defend your cockamamie decision to not give out candy on Halloween by saying, “We don’t celebrate Halloween.”

4. Don’t take five minutes to answer the door in the first place and then say you’ll be right back with candy and then never come back.    (FYI: That’s a long time for our imaginations to wander.)

5. Don’t hang a sign by your front door that says: “OUT FOR THE EVENING.”

This is especially insulting when you’re garage door is open and the lights are on.  At least this sign had artwork.

6. Finally, this not a treat:

 

Even though you cleverly hid this business card/notepad advertising your real estate services inside this colorful, festive treat bag…

…it’s still not a treat.

I sure do miss the good ‘ol days of Halloween when all we had to worry about was eating candy laced with cyanide or getting egged by the older kids.  At least people answered their doors.  Sigh.

p.s. Happy Retirement to my Dad, a man who always answers the door on Halloween, and, as far as I know, has never given out business cards or office supplies instead of candy.

Disclaimer: I know some people legitimately don’t celebrate Halloween, and that’s okay by me, but I chose to ignore that fact when I wrote this post.  (Psst…I can do that if I want.)

On to Thanksgiving…

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