Category Archives: list

February 4, 2014 · 1:00 pm

It’s A Girl!

No, I’m not pregnant.  If you thought so, you’re either nuts or a new reader.  If it’s the latter, welcome to The Runaway Mama!  Where two kids are plenty!

I’m not having a baby, but I am a New Mama!  Introducing Gertrude Glenn (a.k.a. Gertie)!

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Gertrude was my girl name.  You know, the name I would’ve given a human girl.  I know what you’re thinking.  GERTRUDE?  It’s a grandmother’s name!  It’s dated!  It’s dreary!  For your information, I also love the name Agnes, and before we decided on Dylan, Oscar and Henry were on our short list for boys.  So there.  I’m an old-fashioned name kind of girl.  (Somehow, I ended up with a Dylan and a Riley – which I love, by the way – but such is life!)

As well as being classic and beautiful (if I do say so myself), Gertrude is also a family name (on both sides of the family), and Glenn is after my Great Aunt Glenna, a firecracker of a woman whose style, whit, sharp-tongue, and big heart I admired greatly.

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Gertie Glenn is teen-tiny bundle of deliciousness (and a peeing pooping mess!), and it was totally and completely love at first sight for the whole family.  Before we met her, I feared her presence would be a painful reminder of Harry.  I’m happy to report that it’s been just the opposite.  In fact, it feels a lot like Gertie was a gift from Harry.

I see so much of him in her.  Like when she twitches her front legs in her sleep or tries to drag a palm frond three time her size across the yard or chews grass with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.  In these moments, I feel like Harry is talking to me, and I’m a Grateful Mama for the connection.

Whereas my theme song was  “Say Something” by A Great Big World…

Say something, I’m giving up on you

I’ll be the one, if you want me to

Anywhere I would’ve followed you

Say something, I’m giving up on you

…it’s now “You’ll Be Okay” by the same band…

You’ll be okay

You’ll be okay

The sun will rise

To better days

 

And change will come

It’s on its way

Just close your eyes

And let it rain

 

‘Cause you’re never alone

I will always be there

You just carry on

You will understand

After one full day with Gertrude Glenn a.k.a. Gertie Glenn a.k.a Flirty Gertie a.k.a. Gertie McShmertie, I’ve developed a highly complicated, uber-complex hypothesis about parenting human and canine babies: There’s little difference between the two.

Case in point, the following happened (or didn’t happen) during my first 24 hours with Gertie:

1. I forgot to eat.

2. I felt guilty.

3. I cried.

4. I accomplished one half of one task on my 50-item to do list.

5. I did the one half of one task during naptime.

6. I cleaned pee and poop all day.

7. I talked about pee and poop all day.

8. Because of the aforementioned pee and poop, I did a lot of laundry.

9. Exhaustion-induced clumsiness resulted in several bumps and bruises, including a doozy on my left leg that happened when I moved “baby equipment” (the crate) from the kitchen to the bathroom where…

10. I finally took a shower at 4:30pm.

Five o’clock has new meaning, my friends.  All over again.  And just like with human babies, this too shall pass.

A toast to New Mamas of all kinds!  Cheers!

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Filed under babies, Grateful Mama, guilt, Harry, list, motherhood, pets

June 25, 2013 · 10:56 am

Just A Spoonful Of Sugar Helps The Medicine Go Down… (A List!)

…In a most delightful way!

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Um, not quite.  In my house, this is what (maybe, possibly, potentially, if there’s a full moon, and if there’s a new episode of “Ninjago” On Demand) helps a teaspoon of amoxicillin go down the hatch twice a day for eternity ten days:

Flavor.  These days, you can make kids’ medicine taste like whatever you want…for a price.  For this particular round of meds, we chose…drum roll…bubble gum.  Yum-o!  Except it’s all a sham.  Kids. Don’t. Like. Medicine. Even if it tastes like strawberry cotton candy iced donuts.

Lies.  “There’s no medicine mixed in your Kefir.  I promise.”  I promise that I’ll never lie to you again…until the next time the doctor puts you on antibiotics for a raging sinus, ear, or fill in the blank infection.

Threats.  “We can do this the easy way or the hard way.”  The hard way involves pinning him down by straddling him, using my knees to immobilize his arms and hands, forcing his jaw open with one hand, and shoving the medicine dropper into the back of his throat with the other.  This approach gets the job done 100% of the time, but no one feels good about it.  No one.

Candy.  I don’t care if my kids eat Skittles for breakfast for ten days straight as long as the medicine goes down.  And as long as they occasionally brush their teeth, which, unfortunately, often requires a separate list of lies, threats, and bribes.

Cupcakes/cookies.  My pharmacy is located inside a grocery store with a full service bakery (and a full service liquor store) for a reason.

Money.  I don’t know about your kids, but mine are in the “I’ll Do Anything For Cold Hard Cash” stage of childhood development.  I wonder when this stage ends?  Oh, right.  It doesn’t.

Toys.  This is why my house looks like it’s ready for an episode of “Hoarding: Buried Alive.” #shopaholicmama #itsnotmyfault #kidsaremoneypits #okaymaybeitismyfault #dontjudge #thehardwaysucks

More threats.  “No swimming after dinner (or no Kefir at bedtime or no play date after camp tomorrow) if you don’t take this medicine…NOW!”  In general, this tactic has a very low success rate. Kids don’t care much about future consequences.  Like dogs, you must praise (or punish) them in the moment.  Otherwise you’re spinning your wheels an idiot.

Threats and lies.  “If you don’t take this medicine, you’ll have to go back to the doctor and get shots.  Lots of them.  The really painful, stinging ones.  The ones that make you bleed.  Yup, that’s what happens to kids who don’t take their medicine.”

Tears.  I’ve cried many times to guilt my kids into doing things they don’t want to do.  It hasn’t worked yet, but I’ll keep trying, because it’s cheaper than going to the toy store.

What do you do to get your kids to take their medicine? 

p.s. If your kids love medicine – if they take it every single time without a whimper or a fight…with a freaking smile on their faces…and they say thank you when they’re done…and they ask when they can drink the next delicious dose – kindly refrain from bragging here.  As Dylan often reminds Riley, “bragging isn’t nice.”

 

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Filed under going to the doctor, health, list