Smile, Laugh, Quack, Sneeze

“Do you know what happens when you eat purple grapes?  You get happy.”

This is what I told Dylan during our impromptu backyard picnic yesterday.  Yes, I hosted an afternoon picnic for Dylan and Riley.  Believe it or not, I’m capable of creative parenting that doesn’t involve the television…on occasion.  And besides, I read another article about how preschoolers watch too much television and how bad it is for them.   I’m not sure if I agree entirely (Dylan can count in Spanish thanks to Dora and he knows the ins and outs of camping from the Bubble Guppies), but my mama guilt went into overdrive.  Thus, the backyard picnic.
Dylan actually requested the picnic snacks – grapes, strawberries, Pirate’s Booty and fruit squeezers.  I imagined the fruit would go to waste unless Riley and I ate it, but I never turn down an opportunity to expose Dylan to new food. 
So, we were sitting on the picnic blanket in the backyard and I asked Dylan if he wanted a grape.  He said yes and ate one.  I kept my cool because making a big deal out of these things can shut him down, but I actually thought I might pass out from the sight of him eating a purple grape.  I didn’t want him to stop, so I told him that eating purple grapes makes people happy.   This caught his attention.  “You get instantly happy when you eat a grape,” I said.  “Grapes make you smile.”  Then I pretended to be sad and ate a grape and smiled.  What happened next was unimaginable.  We ate grape after grape pretending first to be sad and then to be happy. 
I really was overjoyed, but I was also a little bit suspicious.  I thought maybe Dylan had been snatched at school and replaced with an imposter, but then he heard a noise in the yard behind ours and got scared that foxes were coming to get us.  Nope, it was definitely my Dylan.
“Dylan, do you know what happens when you eat strawberries?  You laugh.”  I demonstrated and then he took a turn.  Then me.  Then him.  It was unbelievable.  Even Riley got in on the game, although I’m not sure he knew what the game really was.
So, this was how Dylan came to eat a ton of fruit yesterday with no pressure, punishment or negativity of any kind.  When the picnic was over and we were back in the house, he asked for pretzels.  It was close to dinnertime, but I was so happy about the fruit consumption that I obliged.  Before he put the first pretzel in his mouth, he said, “Mommy, what happens when you eat a pretzel?”  I said, “You quack like a duck.”  There was a lot of quacking after that. This morning, Dylan asked for a banana for breakfast and I said, “Do you know what happens when you eat a banana?  You sneeze.”  There was a lot of sneezing after that. 
If you see a little boy today who is smiling, laughing, quacking and sneezing – potentially all at once – don’t be too concerned.  It might just be my little Dylan who is gradually discovering that eating fruit isn’t so bad.

1 Comment

Filed under food

Tick Tock

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

4:45am: Riley wakes up…screaming as usual.
5:02am: I take the first sip of what will be three large cups of coffee.  I watch “Bethenney Ever After” on the DVR while Riley chugs his peach Kefir.
5:15am: Dylan wakes up.  Most likely, Riley’s crying woke him from a deep sleep and then he realized he was alone in the bedroom and then he was afraid of being alone in the bedroom.
6:15am: I inform Dylan that he’s not going to school today.  Instead, he’s going to the eye doctor.  I tell him there will be no shots and nothing will hurt.  I hold my breath waiting for his response.  Instead of crying and saying “No thank you,” which is Dylan’s adorably polite way of saying “there is no #%$@& way I’m doing that,” he says “Okay, Mommy.  Can I wear 3D glasses?”  I exhale, realizing I’ve dodged a bullet for now, and say “maybe” about the 3D glasses (I have no idea) and pour another cup of coffee.
8:50am: Dylan and I drop Riley off at school.
9:15am: We check in at the eye doctor.  I’m incredibly relieved that the television in the waiting room is playing Shrek instead of Finding Nemo because Dylan is terrified of that movie and it’s always on whenever we walk into a doctor’s office and the result is always miserable.
9:47am: They call our name.  Not bad since our appointment was scheduled for 9:30.  Dylan does some eye “games” with a nice woman named Melissa.  He identifies some pictures, including a cake, which makes him happy.  He traces numbers in a book with his finger, and believe it or not, he gets to wear 3D glasses and identify pictures that pop out at him.
Then – BOOM – Melissa leans him back, forces his eyes open and gives him drops to dilate his eyes.  No warning.  No chance for Dylan to say, “No %#$&@ thank you.”  No opportunity for me to get nervous and ask if I can help.  She’s lightening fast. Dylan is stunned but fine.  Melissa is a genius.
I’m reminded of Dylan’s four-year check-up when the nurse told him he needed two shots and then disappeared more than 15 minutes.  By the time she returned (with no apology), Dylan was in the throws of a panic attack so intense that we needed two nurses plus me to hold him down for the shots.  She was not a genius.
9:57am: We’re back to the waiting room waiting for full dilation.  Dylan says, “Mommy, I can’t see my shoes.  Mommy, I can’t see your shoes.”  He sounds like he’s tripping.  I giggle and tell him his eyes will feel better soon.
10:15am: The doctor exams Dylan.  One of the pictures on the wall that he asks Dylan to focus on is Ronald McDonald.  Dylan has never been to McDonald’s yet he recognizes Ronald McDonald.  This makes me think (1) the office needs an update – who cares about Ronald McDonald anymore and (2) McDonald’s is mysteriously marketing to my kid.  Hmm.  Thankfully, the doctor tells us Dylan’s eyesight is great and there’s no need for glasses.  This is good news because I’m the only person in my family and Mike’s who doesn’t wear glasses.  Looks like Dylan inherited my anxiety and my eyesight.
10:35am: Quick stop at Whole Foods is successful, except for the sippy cup that Dylan leaves in the shopping cart.  Oops.
12:40pm: We pick up Riley at school and Dylan tells everyone – and I mean everyone –that he can’t see.  I explain to each confused person that his eyes are merely dilated.
12:50pm:  We’re on our way to Target to grab a few things, including a new sippy cup.
1:10pm:  Dylan and Riley are hitting each other and screaming in the shopping cart.  I threaten not to buy sippy cups unless they stop.  They stop.  Then they start again.   I am that mother with those kids in Target.
1:25pm: Dylan cons me into buying him a toy.  I know, I know.  Bad Shopaholic Mama!  I insist he can have one car…if he stops screaming.  Another momentary victory.  (In case I didn’t inform you, he likes Cars again.  In fact, you should know that he doesn’t love Toy Story anymore.  At all.)  Dylan and Riley each get one car.
1:35pm:  Dylan and Riley take turns throwing their new cars out of the shopping cart and onto the floor as we wait in line to pay.  They do this at least a dozen times before I end it.  I take the cars away and they scream.  People are staring.  I find a happy place.  I say to the cashier, “Do these children belong to you?  I’ve never seen them before.”  She laughs.  I laugh.  I’m too tired to care.
1:50pm: Both kids are fast asleep before we even leave the parking lot.  I wish I could join them.  Instead, I drive home and hope for smooth transfers to the couch (Dylan) and the bed (Riley) and for a chance to recoup before my next shift.  Tick Tock.

Leave a comment

Filed under going to the doctor, shopaholism