Category Archives: marriage

Grateful Mama

I once had an idea to write a book called “A Year of Ungratitude.”  You read that right.  I said UN-gratitude.  It was just after 9-11, we were living in Brooklyn, everything was scary and kind of sucked, and I was one pessimistic chick.  That book idea (as well as many others…another topic for another day) never happened.  This was partly (mostly?) because I never wrote more than a few pages, and mostly (partly?) because cynicism is exhausting.

Thank goodness that book never happened, and thank goodness I discovered my inner Grateful Mama!  In honor of Thanksgiving 2012, here are a few things for which I’m grateful (in no special order…and besides all the obvious stuff like family, friends, good health, blah blah):

I’m grateful for school uniforms.  I never thought I’d say that.  I’m definitely a freedom of expression kind of gal, but uniforms are so easy and neat (and adorable).  I can’t wait to get Riley in one.

I’m grateful that Riley sleeps in his own bed…occasionally.  When he doesn’t sleep in his bed, I’m grateful when he focuses his flailing arms and legs on Mike.

I’m grateful that the October lice outbreak at school spared our family (this time).

I’m grateful for a clean colon.  On second thought, perhaps clean isn’t the best adjective.  How about this: I’m grateful for a colon clear of polyps.  With five years until my next colonoscopy, I can focus my energy on old and new medical mysteries like the numbness in my left ankle (still there!), my slightly swollen thyroid for which I’m having an ultrasound tomorrow morning (fun!), and my low platelet count (blood test results coming soon to a theater near you!).

I’m grateful for the Green Dream smoothie at Whole Foods.  I’m also grateful that I’ve trained myself to simultaneously swipe my credit card and look the other way when it’s time to pay for it.  Isn’t good health worth $6.99 plus tax?  (You latte sipping and Frappuccino slurping addicts have no idea what expensive is.)

I’m grateful for the glorious Florida “winter,” which enables me to run with ease…which makes it okay for me to eat sweet potato fries…and helps me relieve stress…and allows me to maintain my sanity (sorta) during the madness of the holidays…and keeps me out of the mall (mostly)…and makes me sleep like a %&*$# baby (slightly less so when Riley’s extremities are within striking distance).

I’m grateful that people read my blog.  Seriously.  I’ll never take it for granted that I write stuff that people relate to or think is funny.

I’m grateful for my husband who leaves me sweet and silly notes above the coffee maker on the mornings when he wakes up crazy early to go to work so he can come home in time to play with the kids for an hour before they go to sleep.  This, my friends, is romance for the married-ten-plus-years-with-children-and-pets set.  No, really, it is romantic.  I look forward to these notes.  I expect these notes.  (Did you hear that, honey?  If you stop writing these notes, I’ll be pissed.)

I’m grateful that in 27 days I’ll be setting sail toward the Caribbean with a cocktail in one hand and my husband’s hand in the other.  (Either that or a second cocktail because there ain’t nothin’ wrong with double-fisting on the first night of a vacay sans kids.)  I’ll be giddy about the voyage ahead, and I’ll miss my boys like crazy before the ship even leaves the port, but I need to miss my boys.  I really need the chance to miss them.  I need to miss them badly so I can know how deeply and strongly I love them.  That, and I need to rest up to survive their (long) two-week winter break from school that starts as soon as we get back.

I’m grateful for writing inspiration from smart, funny, and creative women, including Tina Fey (Bossypants) and Mindy Kaling (Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?), both of whom wrote books that I started and actually finished this year.  No small feat!

I’m grateful for Dylan’s perfect attendance record in Kindergarten (so far).   This early (and insignificant) achievement probably won’t get him into Harvard (although it reflects an admirable and distinctive sense of responsibility, dedication, and punctuality), but if you look deeper into the numbers, you’ll discover (1) a kid who likes school enough not to con his Mama into staying home by employing the use of a fake cough or over-exaggerated sneeze, and (2) a Mama who gets her kid up, fed, brushed, fluffed, dressed, and at school on time every single day.

I’m grateful for Riley’s giggle and his mean face, and I’m grateful he knows the definition of hypothesis: “an idea that you can test.”  While we’re on the subject, I’m grateful for “Dinosaur Train” and every other television show that’s turned my kids into TV zombies and simultaneously taught them sophisticated vocabulary words, Spanish, and how to count in multiples of ten.

I could go on (and on and on), but I’d much rather hear about what you’re grateful for this year.  Share your thoughts in the comments section…I’ll be grateful if you do!

Happy Thanksgiving!

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What I Remember

I read a book this summer called “What Alice Forgot” by Liane Moriarty.  It’s about a woman, Alice, who hits her head and wakes up with ten years of her memory gone.  In the present, she’s 39 years old, has three children, and is in the middle of a nasty divorce.  She’s also a control freak, exercise and coffee obsessed, uber-busy with her kids, their schools, and their activities, and generally unhappy.  When she wakes up, she thinks she’s 29 years old, a time when she was an easy-going, tea drinking, happy woman, newly pregnant with her first child, and blissfully in love with her husband.  While she waits for her memory to return, she examines the circus her life has become and tries to put the pieces of her marriage back together with the perspective of her 29-year-old self.

The book was paperback and pink, and I thought it was going to be an easy, summery, perhaps forgettable, “chick-lit” kind of a read.  On the contrary, it rocked the ground on which I stood.  It put me deep in thought about how my 26-year-old self would deal with stay-at-home motherhood, the chaos and insanity of parenting, a husband who works long hours, the fear and loathing of colonoscopies and varicose veins, and everything else that goes along with marriage, motherhood, and aging.

Whereas 39-year-old Alice was mired down in the muck of the small stuff, 29-year-old Alice was far better at seeing the forest from the trees, especially with her children.  Since finishing the book, I’ve tried (tried is the key word) to keep this forest from the trees concept in mind as I navigate the challenges of parenthood each day without the fresh perspective of my younger self.  (My 26-year-old self is currently unavailable.  She’s probably at Bumble & Bumble in New York City getting a haircut she can’t afford.)

I won’t spoil the ending of the book about what ultimately happens with Alice’s marriage, but I’ll tell you this: it sure made me think about mine. Tomorrow is my tenth wedding anniversary.  I’ve been married for ten years.  How, in the course of these years filled with so much Life, have we not unraveled?

Of course, I’m flooded with gorgeous memories – first kisses, proposals, new jobs, births, and more – but I’m also reminded of the experiences that tested us – the circumstances that exposed our compatibility at the deepest level because the only other option would have been to come undone.  Today, parenthood seems to pull us in every direction except toward each other, but we’re getting through it with the lesson we’ve learned throughout all of our time together – that nothing can disentangle us unless we let it.

Forgetting helped Alice put the pieces her life back together.  As enticing as it would be to let go of all hard bits and live in the present through the eyes of my younger (and less wrinkled) self, I’ll stick with the memories because some of them are totally, completely, and deliciously unforgettable.

(This is a picture of a picture.  Come on over and I’ll show you the whole album.)

Happy anniversary eve, MT.

p.s. Read this book!

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